Akatsuki Comedy
by Hidansgirl90
Summary: this is the only akatsuki drama humorful story u will ever need. Disclaimer: the only people i own are Kaori and Akira p.s. This story had previously been updated 4/2/10, now it's updated 6/5/10 because Summer breaks on it's way!
1. A New Akatsuki Member!

**Akatsuki!!! Comedy!!!**

**There was a knock at the door.**

"**Deidara, go answer the f*cking door!" Hidan yelled at Deidara. "why don't you, un!" Deidara yelled back. "Because I can cut your other d*mn arm off!" Hidan yelled. "uh, okay, un" Deidara said running up to the door. He opened the door slowly "hey, un, who are you, yeah?" Deidara asked the Silver haired girl that was standing in the doorway.**

"**Im Kaori, I was hoping to join the Akatsuki" she **

**Said. "Uh, okay, un" Deidara said letting her in. "WHO THE H*LL IS THAT?!" Hidan yelled looking up from the TV. "she's Kaori, she wants to join, un" Deidara said "did you tell Leader yet?" Hidan asked. "im about to, un" Deidara said "leader!, un!" Deidara yelled. Leader walked into the room. "What Deidara?" he asked.**

"**Kaori-chan , wants to Join the Akatsuki, un" **

**Deidara said pointing to the Silver haired girl. "ah, Kaori, what are your reasons and what are your skills?" Leader asked. Kaori smirked "I wanted to join because I know where the Gingerbread man went!" Hidan jumped of the couch "you do?! Where?!" Kaori pointed to Zetsu's room. "Yeah!" Hidan said jumping up and down. Then ran into the room. All they heard after that where screams.**

**Kaori laughed like a maniac. Leader stared in horror.**

"**W-what skills do you possess?" he asked. "I don't have skills, but I do have this Butcher knife" Kaori said pulling it out of nowhere. Then Kisame walked down the hallway. "hey, Gu-" he was cut of by the sight of a maniac girl with a butcher knife. "Hey!, I love Sushi!" Kaori yelled and began chasing after Kisame. "No!, im not a fish!" Kisame yelled running around. Leader just watched in horror.**

**Kaori stopped running and turned to leader "so can I join?" she asked, then an explosion was heard from the Kitchen, everyone went running in that direction, when they got to the Kitchen they saw Sasori covered in soot. "what the *Beep* happened in here, un!" Deidara asked/yelled. Everyone looked over at Deidara "what, un" he asked. Everyone then turned there attention to Sasori. "what happened Sasori?" Leader asked "I tried to cook dinner, and I think it blew up" Sasori said.**

**Everyone looked over at Deidara "it wasn't me, un ……this time" Deidara said Smirking. "hmm" Leader thought. "hey Kaori, can you cook?" he asked Kaori nodded. "then congratulations, you're the new addition to the Akatsuki" Leader said "Yay!" Kaori said jumping up and down, then she turned back to Kisame. "ready to die fishy boy?" Kaori asked with a maniac grin on her face. "no!" Kisame screamed and ran away from Kaori.**

**Then Itachi walked into the room "why are you so *beep*ing loud Kisame?" Itachi asked wiping his eyes. When he finished he looked up and saw a girl. "why the *beep* is there a girl in here?" Itachi asked "she joined the Akatsuki, un" Deidara said in response. Itachi grabbed the running girl. "why the *beep* are you running after Kisame?" Itachi asked "cause he's a F*cking fish" Kaori said smiling sweetly at Itachi. And Itachi bought the innocent smile that was on Kaori's face. Then turned to the freaking out Kisame in the corner. "dude, your *beeping* Drooling you F*g" Itachi said looking down at the psychotic Kisame. Then Hidan finally came out of Zetsu's room as a Head in Kakuzu's Hands. **

"**Kaori, why the F*cking H*ll did you D*mn tell me that the F*cking Gingerbread man was in D*mn Zetsu's F*cking room!?" Hidan yelled. Kaori just laughed "what are you going to do about it? Your just a head" "when I get my F*cking body back I will F*cking kill you first you wench!" Hidan yelled at Kaori. Kaori twitched "who are you F*cking calling a D*mn wench?!" Kaori asked/yelled. "you, you B*tch *ss Wench!" Hidan yelled back. **

**Leader stopped the fussing two "guys if you F*cking curse again I will D*mn F*cking Kick your *sses to the motherf*cking curb!" Leader yelled. The two stopped cursing at each other. "thank you" Leader said. "now Hidan, you have a new partner, Kaori" Leader said smirking. "WHAT THE F*CKING BLOODY H*LL! I DON'T WANT THAT MOTHERF*CKING B*TCH *SS WENCH AS A D*MN PARTNER!!!!" Hidan yelled. "too late Hidan, she was already assigned as your partner, you two will have to learn to get along." Leader said in response. **

**Kakuzu started laughing "WHY THE H*LL ARE YOU F*CKING LAUGHING YOU B*TCH *SS MOTHERF*CKER I HATE YOU TOO!" Hidan yelled. "not a kind amount of works Hidan, for someone who is only a head at the moment." Kakuzu said looking down at Hidan. "OH WELL IM F*CKING SORRY!" Hidan yelled once again. "STOP MOTHERF*CKING CURSING!" Tobi said running into the room. "WHAT THE *BEEP*! TOBI I THOUGHT YOU WERE A GOOD BOY, UN!" Deidara said with his eyes practically popping out of his head.**

"**oh, ummmm, Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi said skipping around the room. "ummm, okaaaay, well, Kaori I want you and Hidan to go on the mission to retrieve the two tailed Demon" Leader said. "ISN'T IT A LITTLE D*MN EARLY FOR THAT S*IT?! AFTER ALL I JUST JOINED THE D*MN AKATSUKI!" Kaori yelled. "yeah, leader, why don't you send me with Hidan?" Kakuzu asked. Leader sighed "okay, you have 2 hours before the mission" Kakuzu nodded. "Well here Kaori" Leader said handing her a Akatsuki cloak. "thanks" she said "you will be sharing a room with Hidan until I construct another room" Leader said. **

**Hidan and Kaori's mouth dropped. "WHY THE F*CKING H*LL AM I SHARING A ROOM WITH THAT B*TCH *SS MOTHERF*CKER?!?!?!!?!" Kaori yelled. "because we are low on ****spend able**** cash" Leader said looking over at Kakuzu. "WELL WHY CANT SHE F*CKING SHARE A ROOM WITH TOBI?" Hidan asked/yelled. "okay, Kaori, you can share a room with Tobi" Leader said. Kisame and Itachi started snickering. "Hey, Itachi I wonder how long she will last in Tobi's bed, Zetsu told me he P*sses in his bed every night." Kisame whispered in Itachi's ear Itachi just laughed.**

**Then Tobi came into the room. "im sorry, Kaori-chan but Deidara blew up my room" Tobi said skipping around Kaori. Leader sighed once again. "Kaori you will sleep in Deidara's room. And no more exceptions this is my FINAL decision" Leader said before leaving the living room. Kaori smiled "Deidara-chan" Kaori called. Then an irritated Deidara walked into the room. "im not a girl, im a boy" Deidara informed. "well, I cant tell you got long hair" Kaori said. "Oh! Deidara can I do your hair!" Kaori squealed. Deidara shook his head. "No!" Kaori got angry "if you don't let me do your f*cking hair im gonna chop of that arm!" Kaori yelled. Deidara sweat dropped. **

"**O-okay" Deidara said shuddering. Kisame and Hidan started Laughing. "Stop F*cking laughing or your next!" Kaori yelled at the two and pulled out her knife. They stopped laughing when they hear Kisame scream like a girl and run up the stairs. Kaori laughed and turned to Hidan. He screamed and ran into Zetsu's room again by Accident. (and yes he just got his body back)**

"**wow, Hidan is a D*mn stupid *ss" Kaori said laughing at the Sighing Kakuzu walking back into the H*llhole that everyone called Zetsu's room.**

**Kaori walked back to Deidara and pulled out a brush and comb. "Deidara-chan, im gonna make you look soo cute!" Kaori said smiling. Deidara sighed.**


	2. A trip to the mall

CHAPTER 2: **A TRIP TO THE MALL!!!**

**2 hours later….**

"**Well, Hidan and Kakuzu are gone" Itachi said walking over to Kaori and Deidara sitting on the couch. "all done!" Kaori said showing Itachi the new Deidara. Itachi took one look at him and busted out laughing. "do I really look that bad, un?" Deidara asked. Then Sasori walked into the room. "Wow!, who is that Sexy B*stard!?" Sasori asked running into the room and sat down right beside the person he thought was a girl. "hey, what's your name?" Sasori asked. Deidara sighed. "Deidara, un" Sasori eye's went wide. "hey, you know there is a Deidara in the Akatsuki too! And he speaks… just… like ……..you.." Then Sasori stopped. "OMG! I think im gonna puke!" Sasori said running into another room. 'I cant believe I hit on Deidara!' Sasori thought in the bathroom. **

**In the living room. Itachi was still laughing his *ss off. "Deidara-chan, here" Kaori said handing him an outfit. "huh?" Deidara said looking over the outfit Kaori gave him. "but Kaori-chan, it's a dress, un" Deidara said. "no, it's a….um…ninja outfit!' Kaori said. "oh" Deidara said putting on the dress. **

"**well, Deidara-chan, lets go to the mall! Itachi do you want to come?" Kaori asked. Itachi stopped his Laughing fit. "sure…I gotta see this" Itachi said smirking. Deidara got off then couch and went walking with Itachi and Kaori. **

**When the three got to the mall, Kaori spotted Naruto. "Hey! Naruto!" Kaori yelled waving her hands in the air. Naruto turned around. "oh, hey Kaori-chan!" Naruto said running over to her. " hey, who is that cute girl?" Naruto asked pointing at Deidara. "oh, he's Deidara" Kaori said smiling. "HE?!?!" Naruto yelled. "yeah" Deidara said. "oh, wait Deidara, aren't you the one who kidnapped Gaara?!" Naruto asked getting into Demon fox mode. "uh" was the only thing Deidara could say. Then Naruto tackled him. "ahh! Help, un!" Deidara yelled Itachi and Kaori just stood there laughing. Then a police ninja showed up. "hey, young man, I am giving you a ticket for beating up a woman!" Naruto got up and took the Ticket. Kaori and Itachi were still Laughing. "um, officer, my friend here that you said was a girl, Is actually a boy" Kaori said. The Officer sweat dropped. "oh, well, um young man you don't have to pay anything. But you, you young cross dresser now get the fine!" the officer said handing Deidara the Ticket. Deidara sighed. **

"**Kaori-chan, why did you tell him I was a boy, I could have avoided this ticket, un" Deidara said in annoyance. Kaori didn't say anything. "Kaori-chan!" Kaori heard a voice. She turned around. "dang it, its Sasuke!, hide me!" Kaori said Hiding behind Itachi. Sasuke ran up to them. "Itachi, have you seen Kaori-chan?" Sasuke asked his older brother. Itachi shook his head. "but I soo, saw her!" Sasuke said annoyed. "no, you didn't Sasuke" Itachi said. "hmm, well bye, Itachi" Sasuke said disappearing in a puff of smoke.**

"**why are you so afraid of my brother?" Itachi asked. "Because since we were little he has had a crush on me because I was the only one who didn't like him in our class, and since I left Konoha as a missing ninja he has been trying to track me down, then I heard from Naruto that Sasuke has become a missing ninja, later, plus I believe that he has joined Orochimaru" Kaori said shivering when she said Orochimaru's name. "oh" Itachi said in response. They turned around. "um ,where's Deidara?" Kaori Asked. **

**Where ever Deidara is….**

"**leave me alone, you pervy sage!" Deidara yelled. "no, I need my research!" Jiriya said. "well ,I don't know what kind of research you want but I don't think I have it because im a Boy!" Deidara yelled. Jiriya went wide eyed. "WTF! Why are you dressed as a girl?" Jiriya asked. "hmm, Kaori-chan" Deidara said. "um, did you say Kaori?" Jiriya asked. "yeah" Deidara said. "Omg! She's like evil!" Jiriya said "duh, I am too, un" Deidara said then covered his mouth. "wait your in Akatsuki?!" Jiriya asked then summoned a toad. "die Akatsuki member!" Jiriya said. Then Kaori and Itachi appeared before them.**

**Kaori sighed. And pulled out her butcher knife. And chopped off the summoned toad's head. "Hahaha! You'll never defeat me Jiriya-sanin!" Kaori yelled then Disappeared with Itachi and Deidara in a puff of smoke. When they re-appeared they were back at the hideout. **

"**wow, that was close, un" Deidara said exhaustedly then took a seat on the couch. Itachi sat down to. "yeah, I cant believe everyone thought you where a girl, you are an ****UGLY**** girl" Itachi said. "what are you saying?! I wont make a good girl!?, un" Deidara yelled. "no, im just saying they are fool's to like you" Itachi said simply. "im to exhausted to argue Uchiha, un" Deidara said. **


	3. Sasori, Gay?

CHAPTER 3: **SASORI, GAY?!?!**

"**well, Deidara im gonna go visit Sasori, bye" Kaori said before she walked to the back though a hallway and opened a door that had Sasori's name on it. Kaori didn't bother knocking she just entered. "Hey Sasori-san!" Kaori said rather loudly. "eeep!" Sasori said then hid under his cover's. "um, Sasori what are you doing?" Kaori asked pulling the cover's off his head. When she pulled it of she saw something horrible. "Ahhh! Sasori why are you wearing barrettes?!" Sasori looked up ashamed. "im a closet gay" Sasori said quietly. Kaori smirked "so who do you like in Akatsuki?" Sasori looked up. "Deidara's a Sexy b*stered!" Sasori said. Kaori's mouth dropped "so you acted like you didn't like when he was dressed as a girl?" Kaori asked. Sasori silently nodded. "you hafta tell him" Kaori said "I don't want to" Sasori said taking the Barrettes out of his hair. "hm, okay well im gonna go torture Kisame" Kaori said before leaving.**

**Then Kaori went walking down the hall "where are you fishy boy?" Kaori asked then she found his room "Bingo!" Kaori said before opening his door. When she opened it she saw Kisame standing in his room kissing his pet goldfish. "WTF!?" Kaori said startling Kisame which made him drop his fish. "noo, Glodie you where so young!" Kisame said sulking. "um, well im gonna go I guess this is torture enough" Kaori said before leaving the fish boy alone to dig a grave for Glodie.**

**Kaori made her way back to the living room. "hey Itachi, where's Deidara?" Kaori asked "he went to work" Itachi said. "um, where does he work?" Kaori asked "the gay bar" Itachi said. Kaori's jaw dropped. "so everyone here has a job?" Kaori asked. "hn, yeah" Itachi said. Kaori grinned "where do you work?" "hn, I work at an ice cream factory" Itachi said ashamed. "how much do you get?" Kaori asked "hm, 25 cents and a bottle cap" Itachi said. "D*****mn!" Kaori said. "where do I work?" Kaori asked. "you work with Hidan" Itachi said. "w-where does he work?" Kaori asked scared. **

"**Graveyard" Itachi said. "what do you do there?" Kaori asked "kill Zombies" Itachi said. "H*ll yeah!" Kaori yelled. Then Hidan entered the Hideout with Kakuzu "what up B*tches?" Hidan asked. "nothing" Kaori said "Well, Kaori ready for work?" Hidan asked. "y-yeah" Kaori said standing up.**


	4. Kaori's 1st day work

CHAPTER 4:**KAORI'S FIRST DAY WORK!!!**

"**So how are we suppose to get there?" Kaori asked. "we fly!" Hidan said flapping his arms but nothing happened. "dump *ss" Kaori said "why don't we take a car?" Kaori asked "good idea" Hidan said picking himself up off the floor.**

**Kaori got into the Akatsuki car. "Im driving" Kaori said getting into the front seat. "can you drive?" Hidan asked with fear in his voice. "of course I can drive, it may have taken me 59 attempts but after bribing him I got my license!" Kaori said waving a license in the air. Hidan snatched it from her. "you liar, this is a cardboard cutout with a picture of Brittany spears on it!" Hidan yelled. "well maybe I looked like her" Kaori said **

**Kaori grinned like a maniac then hit the gas. The car sped off and Hidan started screaming like a girl. But they where at the graveyard in 4.2 minutes. When Kaori got out she looked back for Hidan he had his hands clinched on the seat. "hey Hidan I didn't know you get scared I thought you've been to h*ll and back?" Kaori said smirking as Hidan got out of the car. "you are NOT driving back home!" Hidan said. **

"**okay" Kaori said as they walked to the Graveyard gates.**

**Hidan cleared himself out and walked to the gate to catch up with Kaori.**

"**so, how do we do this?" Kaori asked. "There is no actual method, just kill there *sses!" Hidan yelled running into the Graveyard. Kaori smirked and ran after him.**

**When they got into the Graveyard the graveyard gates closed behind them. Then the ground started to shake then out came a herd of Zombies. "Good luck, B*tch" Hidan said before running out with his scythe and chopping off heads. Kaori followed behind and killed twice as much with her knife.**

**In the end Kaori and Hidan were covered in Zombie goo. And Hidan walked over to get his pay, he got $367. While Kaori got $88765. "Ha-ha!, I beat you, you f*cking jashinist!" Kaori yelled pointing a finger a Hidan "I don't give a f*ck" Hidan said walking back to the car. "im driving this time" Hidan said climbing into the front seat. Kaori nodded and sat in the passengers seat.**

"**here we go!" Hidan said before pushing his foot down on the gas. Then they took of. Hidan went as slow as a d*mn turtle. "D*mn it Hidan! Go faster!" Kaori yelled. "sorry, I must obey traffic laws" Hidan said like a nerd. Kaori groaned and hit the gas for him. They went speeding and Hidan started screaming like a girl (again) then they heard police cars. **

"**D*mn it, im not going down without a fight!" Kaori said hitting the gas harder. "!" Hidan screamed to the top of his lungs. **

**Then the car spun out of control and hit an old lady that was passing by. "IM NOT AN OLD LADY!" Tsunade yelled. Okay, gosh. A nice and beautiful lady. "that's better" Tsunade said sike. Tsunade glares at the narrator. Okay, okay. Anyways the car spins out of control and hit's one of the legendary sanin Tsunade. "that's it! You have ran several stop lights, ignored an officer, and hit and old lady!" the officer called "im not old!" Tsunade yelled while on the ground.**

**The officer sweat dropped "your in denial" he said under his breath "are not!" Tsunade said. The officer sighed and called in an ambulance for the old lady. "D*mn it! I didn't sign up for this kind of Sh*t!" Tsunade yelled at the narrator. As she was put into the ambulance. **

**Meanwhile Hidan was still screaming his lungs out and there were several cop cars behind them. "YOU WILL NEVER GET US YOU LOCO POPO!" Kaori called out the window. **

**Meanwhile in the Akatsuki hideout: "hey, Itachi check this out" Kisame said pointing to the TV. Itachi looked over. "Kaori and Hidan are on Japan's most wanted" Kisame said smiling. "were gonna be stars" Kisame said "um, there gonna be dead" Itachi said. "oh" Kisame said "well, im gonna go to the pet store for a um…pet" Kisame said standing up and heading for the door "everyone knows you make out with your pet goldfish" Itachi said "NOOOOO!" Kisame said running outside.**

**Back to Kaori and Hidan:**

**Kaori was going really fast when she noticed that the cops weren't behind them anymore. "Um, Hidan where are the F*cking popo?" Kaori asked "they stopped for coffee and donuts" Hidan said then started screaming again. "I think we should just go home while we have a chance!" Hidan yelled. Kaori sighed and drove them home. **

**When they were at the Hideout Kaori saw Itachi sitting on the Couch watching TV. "ha-ha, nice show" Itachi complimented. "what, we were on F*cking TV!?" Kaori yelled in disbelief. Itachi nodded. Kaori jumped up in the air. "yea! I was on TV! Man I should have said hi to my mom" Kaori said. Then Hidan walked in he was exhausted. Itachi looked over at Hidan "what the H*ll is wrong with you?" Itachi asked half laughing.**

"**K…aori" Hidan said though breaths of air. Itachi nodded "I know, I saw you screaming on TV" Itachi said. Hidan eye's got wide. "I WAS ON F*CKING TV?!" Hidan yelled/asked before running into his room. **

**Kaori giggled then sat down beside Itachi. "Where's Dei-chan and Sasori?" Kaori asked "Dei, Is still at work and Sasori was in some costume and said he was going out" Itachi said. Kaori giggled "I have an idea on where Sasori-chan might be" Kaori said. Itachi looked over at her "Chan?" Kaori nodded before disappearing in a puff of smoke.**


	5. Sasori sneaks to the bar

CHAPTER 5:**SASORI SNEAKS TO THE BAR!!**

**When Kaori re-appeared she was at the bar. She walked around and saw many gay guys she groaned in disgust. Then she finally caught sight of Dei-chan "hey, Dei-chan!" Kaori called out. Deidara looked over at her. "oh, hey Kaori-chan, why are you here, un?" Deidara asked serving drinks. "oh, just looking for som-" She stopped when she saw Sasori in a costume behind Deidara. "hey, hey, hey!" He said wrapping his hands around Deidara's waist. "oh, hello, un" Deidara said loosing the mans grip. "I've been watching you and I think im in love" the guy said. Deidara's face flushed. "no!, I already love someone, un" Deidara said crossing his arms. "who?" the man asked. "my Sasori no Danna, un" Deidara said "and matter a fact im going to confess my love to him, un" Deidara said before putting his stuff down and running out to his car. **

"**ha. Hey, Sasori" Kaori said. The man looked over "how'd you know it was me?" Sasori asked "Itachi said you left with a costume on" Kaori said. "oh" "well, anyways you should get home before Dei-chan does" Kaori said. Sasori nodded and they both disappeared in a puff of smoke. When they re-appeared they where in the Akatsuki hideout. "Run, Saso-chan, run!" Kaori called out. Sasori nodded and quickly ran up the stairs to change. When Sasori was up stairs Deidara came through the door. "Hey, Kaori, un where's Sasori?" Dei asked. Kaori pointed upstairs. "Thanks, un" Deidara said before running upstairs.**


	6. THE CONFESSION!

**When Deidara was at his door he cautiously knocked. Sasori opened the door. "oh, hey Deidara" he said. Deidara smirked and sat down on his bed. Sasori walked over and sat beside him. "Sasori no Danna, I have to tell you something, un" Deidara said. Sasori looked over and tried to hide the blush that was slowly appearing on his face. "Sasori, I…" Deidara began. "I love you!" Sasori said by mistake. Deidara's eye's popped out. "Your GAY?, un!" Deidara yelled in disbelief. Sasori nodded. "aren't you?" Sasori asked. Deidara shook his head. **

"**Then what were you going to say?" Sasori asked. "that your costume totally sucked, un" Deidara said Sasori's face went pale. "Then why'd you say that you liked me at the bar?" Sasori asked. "To mess with ya, un" Deidara said with a wink. Then he got up and left the room. On the other side of the door Kaori was waiting for him. "Dei-Chan, why were you so mean?" Kaori asked. "im not mean, un. Im just not gay" Deidara said before running down the hallway to the living room. Kaori shook her head then Knocked on Sasori's door.**

"_**Go away**_**" A muffled tone called. "aww, don't be like that Sasori. You'll find other guys" Kaori said before opening the door. She saw Sasori on his bed crying his eye's out. "d-do you really think so?" He asked. Kaori nodded. "of course. And they will be better than Dei-chan" Kaori said. Sasori nodded and sat up. "im going out for a walk" Sasori said changing into some jeans and a leather jacket. Kaori nodded and watched as Sasori left his room. Kaori left behind him and Walked over to Itachi's room. Kaori didn't bother knocking. When she opened the door she saw Itachi watching Family guy and imitating all the characters. **

**Peter: Louis I love this song. Lets get it!**

**Louis: Peter I don't think we can afford it.**

**Pete: nonsense it's the best song on the market.**

***Peter sings Bird, Bird, Bird***

**Kaori watches as Itachi jumps around and dancing while singing that song. "WFT! ITACHI!" Kaori yelled. Itachi looked over at her. "um, I was just.." Itachi began then jumped out his window. Kaori looked out the window. "ITACHI ARE YOU OKAY?" Kaori yelled. Itachi silently nodded while he was on the cold ground. "Omg" Kaori said before jumping out the window after him. Then she picked him up and brought him back into the house and sat him on the Couch and put a wet cloth on his head. **


	7. KAORI'S FIRST KISS!

**Kaori watched over Itachi while he was sleep. 'I hope he's alright' Kaori thought. Then like a rocket Itachi shot up and his and Kaori's lips locked. Kaori quickly pulled away form him. Kaori and Itachi were blushing then Kisame, Hidan, and Deidara started singing. "ITACHI & KAORI SITTIN IN A TREE K-I-L-L-Z-M-G!" Kaori then turned to the three guys they all sweat dropped. "well, um im gonna go um hit the hay.." Kisame said rushing into his room and slamming the door shut. "Yeah me too, un" Deidara said running into his room. Hidan just looked at her. "I say whatever the h*ll I want b*tch" Hidan said. Kaori growled and smacked Hidans head off. "D*mn it woman!" Hidan's head said while it was rolling on the ground. **

**Kaori turned back to Itachi. "Kaori-chan, how long was I out?" Itachi asked. "not long" Kaori said. "well, then im going back to my room" Itachi said then went into his room. When he was sure no one was following him he shut his door and jumped up and down. "YESSS!" he said then turned back to the TV finished watching Family guy.**

**Kaori just looked down at Hidans head. "Help me Jashin d*mn it!" Hidan yelled. Kaori shook her head then went into her room. Later Tobi came down to the living room. Then he looked down and Saw Hidans head. "oh, HEYYY HIDAN!" Tobi said then picked up Hidans head. "Thank Jashin! Tobi can you connect my head with my Body?" Hidan asked. "um, if you play with Tobi" Tobi said. "Jashin D*mn it! *Sigh* okay" Hidan said. **

**Tobi nodded then connected his head with his body. "Thanks Tobi" Hidan said. "so you will play with Tobi now?" Tobi asked. Hidan shook his head "b-but you said you would" Tobi said starting to cry. "I had my F*cking finger's crossed" Hidan said. "But you didn't have fingers!" Tobi yelled. "oh, well. Um see ya" Hidan yelled then ran into his room.**


	8. A TRIP TO THE MARKET!

**Pein walked down to the Kitchen to make himself something to eat. When he opened the fridge door. He saw Kaori in the Fridge sleeping with tons of empty food containers beside her.**

"**WTF! KAORI!" Pein yelled. Kaori woke up really fast. "huh? Oh hey leader." Kaori said wiping food from her lower lip. "KAORI! You ate all our food!" Leader yelled. "YEAAAA! Shopping trip!" Kaori yelled trying to jump up and clearly forgetting that she was in the Fridge and bumped her head. "OWW!" She yelped then she quickly got outta the fridge. **

**Leader was Angry. "Kaori go get all of the Akatsuki Member's and tell them to get there *sses in here now!" Leader yelled. **

**Kaori nodded and ran down the Hall. "ALL OF AKATSUKI MEMBERS GET UR F*CKING *SSES IN THE F*CKING LIVING ROOM FOR I GET THAT *SS!" Kaori yelled. Then like on command they all ran outta there room and into the Living room.**

"**What the h*ll do you want, Leader?" Hidan asked annoyed that he had to be woken up so early in the morning. "well for you f*ckin information we have ZERO food" Leader said. Kakuzu sighed. "NOOOOO. Im not spending my moneys!" Kakuzu yelled running into his room to protect his babies.**

"**Well, we should go now. We have two cars so we will have two separate drivers" Leader explained. "I'll drive car 1 and Sasori will drive car 2" Leader explained. Kaori sighed. "So. Sasori pick who you wanna drive with" Leader said. Sasori looked around the room for the calm people. "hm, Zetsu, Itachi, Hidan, Konan…" He began then he looked over to Kaori and smirked. "…And Kaori" Sasori said. Itachi slightly blushed at the thought of sitting with Kaori in a car. 'YESSS!' He said mentally. "So I Pick the rest" Leader said "Lets goooo!" Leader said walking out the door. Everyone else followed. **

"**hm, how about I arrange seating" Sasori said Smirking. "Konan. Passenger seat. Itachi. The middle. Kaori beside Itachi. Hidan on the other side of Itachi" Sasori said. Everyone nodded and sat in the car. "Hey what about us?" Zetsu asked. "You can sit on the roof of the car" Sasori said. "YAY!" Zetsu said then climbed on top of the car and relaxed. **

**_With LEADER_**

"**GET IN THE F*CKING CAR HOW EVER U WANT!" Leader yelled jumping into his seat. Everyone else complied and sat in the car. "LETS HIT IT!" Leader yelled slamming his feet on the GAS the car went zooming down the road. EVERYONE was screaming. EVEN Kakuzu and his Money. **

**_WITH SASORI_**

"**are you all ready?" Sasori asked. Everyone nodded. "then lets go" Sasori said starting the car. The ride was really relaxing. So relaxing that Itachi fell asleep. Then he started talking. "I love you soo much Kaori…..you are the best thing in my life…..you are soo hot!….I loved that kiss…..kiss me now" Then Itachi pulled his face close to who he imagined was Kaori. "AAAAHHHH! WTF! Itachi!" Hidan yelled then pushed him back. Itachi then woke up. "huh?" He asked. "you have a nice sleep? Kaori asked with a smirk. "huh? Oh uh yeah" Itachi said blushing. The long ride continued and Kaori was next to fall asleep. She started to Cuddle with Itachi. Itachi's blush grew.**

**_WITH LEADER_**

"**!"**

**_WITH SASORI_**

"**this is nice and relaxing" Konan said. "yeah. Uh where's leader?" Sasori asked. "he cant drive" Konan said. "oh, I feel bad for who's riding with him" Sasori said **

**_WITH LEADER_**

"**!" the screams continued. "hey, lets open the windows!" Leader yelled. Then the windows flew open then all Kakuzu's money left with the wind. "!" Kakuzu wailed. **

**_WITH SASORI_**

**They finally arrived at the Market. They all noticed that Leader's car was crashed into an old lady named Tsunade. "HEY, Leader!" Sasori yelled out the window. Leader sadly waved. And Kakuzu was looking for his money.**

**When Sasori found a good spot he parked and everyone got out of the car. By then Leader and his passengers where by the front door of the Market. When everyone was inside Leader split everyone in groups. "Kaori, Itachi. Hidan, Kakuzu, Sasori, Deidara. Zetsu, Tobi. Me, Konan. And Kisame your by yourself." Leader explained. Everyone nodded and left with there partner.**

**Kaori and Itachi walked around the huge store. "Hey, what should we get?" Kaori asked. "hm, how about some eggs?" Itachi asked. Kaori nodded and they both ran to the eggs. there was only one left in sight and an old lady was rushing for it. Itachi took it upon himself to get the eggs. He ran over and picked it up. Then the old lady kicked him. Making him fall to his knees. Kaori got mad and ran over and threatened the lady. "Hey, give me those eggs" Kaori said. The lady shook her head. **

**Kaori growled and snatched them. "HEY!" The old lady got mad and started to fight with Kaori. "um" Kaori began. "Hey, im not going to let you take those eggs" the lady said. Kaori sighed "im sorry" she said under her breath then she cut off the lady's head. Itachi looked up to the now Blood covered girl. He smirked and got back on two feet. **

**Kaori looked over at him "I got the eggs!" Kaori said happily. Itachi nodded. "I wonder if anyone else is having trouble" Itachi said. **

**_With Hidan and Kakuzu_**

"**D*mn you, Kakuzu" Hidan said as he watched Kakuzu pick out everything from the dollar section. "Hey, we save more money this way" Kakuzu said as he put some cheap napkins in the cart. Hidan quickly picked them up to test how soft they were and in one squeeze they crumbled. Hidan whistled and quickly put them back on the shelf. Kakuzu turned around. "Hidan, where are those napkins?" Hidan shrugged. "hm" Kakuzu said then he reached up for some different napkins "Hey! These are 45 cents!" Kakuzu said very amazed. Then he threw them in the cart. **

**Hidan looked down at the crusted old cheap napkins. "Blech!" Hidan said. "Kakuzu why don't we go check out some other F*cking things?" Hidan asked. "Hm, okay." Kakuzu said putting back some soda he found for 76 cents. Hidan took this time to throw the napkins back on the shelf. 'The Akatsuki better thank me for this S*it' Hidan thought. Then the two Akatsuki member roamed around the store looking for kitchen supplies.**

**_With Sasori and Deidara_**

**Sasori was trying his best to hide his blush that was slowly appearing on his face. "Sasori, un" Sasori looked over at Deidara. "I think we should shop for new clothes, un" Deidara said holding up a pair of underwear to himself. Sasori face grew the brightest shade of read possible and he had a major nose bleed it sent him across the Store. Deidara stood there baffled. Then he started to chuckle. Then he went running looking for Sasori.**

**_With Tobi and Zetsu_**

"**Zetsu-san, let's get TOYS!" Tobi yelled as he ran to the Toys. Zetsu smirked and followed Tobi to the toys section. When Tobi saw all the toys he shirked in happiness. He quickly ran over to the Matchbox cars. He saw the one he needed to finish his large collection of Matchbox Cars. But the problem was a little girl was playing with it. "Hey, Little girl can Tobi play with that car?" The little girl looked up at him. Everything was quiet for a second then….. She smacked him sending him flying through the air. "HEY! You will not do that to Tobi!" the black side yelled. "YOU MEANY!" the white side said. The little girl stuck her tongue out at Zetsu. The black side's eye twitched. "don't do it!" The white side yelled. "no! I will!" The black side said. "but your not hungry" The white side said. "ill make room" the Black side said before puking up an orange cat. "Now its TIME!" The black side yelled pointing a finger at the confused little girl. "Get her!" The white side yelled.**

**Zetsu charged at the little girl and opened his mouth up wide. The little girl panicked and dropped the car. "DIEEEE!" The black side yelled. As he opened his mouth wider. Then he….**

**_With Kisame_**

"**im soooooooo bored!" Kisame said as he walked around. Then he saw something that he thought he would never see again. "GLODIEEEEE!" Kisame yelled as he ran over to the fish section. The fish took one look at him and jumped outta there tanks and Attacked! "Die, Die, Die!" a little fish said. Kisame smirked and through all the fish in there tanks. **

**Then two rather large came over. "dude, dude, dude. We gon cut you so baad you wish we don't cut you soo baad" one fish said holding a knife. Kisame screamed and started running away. The fish followed him. **

**_With Leader and Konan_**

**Nothing was really going on. They were the only two besides Itachi and Kaori who were shopping.**

**_With Hidan and Kakuzu _**

**Kakuzu and Hidan finished there shopping and went to the front to pay for there stuff. Hidan sat back as Kakuzu paid for the stuff. "WTF! 30 dollars?" Kakuzu yelled. The cashier nodded Kakuzu sighed and handed him a credit card. The man swiped the card and shook his head. "Sir, you short by 29. 99" The cashier said Kakuzu's eye's twitched. "GIVE ME ALL YOUR F*CKING MONEY!" Kakuzu yelled pointing a gun at the man. The man complied and handed him all the money that they had in the register. "do you want the money in Quarters?" The man asked. Kakuzu was confused. "show them to me" **

**The man nodded and pulled out a quarter. "OOOOOHHH! It's shiny!" Kakuzu said grabbing the quarter. "so you want it in quarters?" Kakuzu nodded and the man handed him the bag of quarters. **

**_With Kaori and Itachi_**

"**Itachi what should we get now?" Kaori asked. Itachi looked over at Kaori. "I dunno" Itachi said. "How about we go over to the computers?" Kaori suggested. Itachi nodded and the two walked over to the Computers.**

**_With Tobi and Zetsu_**

**Then Zetsu….was smacked against the head by the girls mother. "What the h*ll where you about to do!" The mother asked angrily. "um.." The black side began then he ate both the girl and her mother. that's when Tobi caught back up with Zetsu. "hey, Zets…." Tobi stopped at the sight of Zetsu chewing something. "Zetsu-san what's that?" Tobi asked. "nothing" Zetsu said really fast wiping away some blood from his lower lip. **

"**anyways, Tobi! You can have that matchbox car now!" Zetsu said. "nah, Tobi found a new toy that Tobi likes and it's called, Lickuar" Tobi said pulling out a bottle and drinking it. "what!" the black side yelled. "THAT'S NOT EVEN A TOY!" the black side yelled again. "um. What is it?" Tobi asked. "Beer" the white side yelled. "so?" Tobi said. "you are too young" The white side said. "oh." Tobi said sitting down the liquor. "TOBI SINNED! TOBI SINNED! TOBI SINNED!" Tobi yelled running around the market. **

"**oh, brother.." The black side said. "yes?" the white side asked. "not you d*mn it" the black side said before looking for Tobi.**

**_With Sasori and Deidara_**

"**Are you okay, Sasori, un?" Deidara asked looking down at Sasori. Sasori blushed deeply. "uh, yeah" Sasori said before standing up. "I finished the shopping, un" Deidara said holding up a shopping bag. "okay, do you wanna go look for Itachi and Kaori?" Sasori asked. Deidara nodded. The two ninja went looking for Itachi and Kaori.**

**_With Kisame_**

"**!"**

**_With Kaori and Itachi_**

**Kaori and Itachi walked around a bit until they came across Sasori and Deidara. "Hey Dei-chan!" Kaori said waving. "hey, un" Deidara said. "we finished our shopping so we thought we might come looking for you" Sasori said. "hn" Itachi said. **

"**so watcha lookin for, un?" Deidara asked. "computer" Itachi said. "oooh! I want one too, un!" Deidara said running over to the computers. "can you afford one?" Kaori asked. Deidara was silent. "hah! You ain't got money!" Kaori said. "Dat don't mean a D*mn thing, un" Deidara said running over to the laptops. "after all where criminals, un" Deidara said. "well, leader doesn't want us to mess up our cover" Itachi said. **

"**umm. Look" Sasori said pointing to 2 over grown fish chasing Kisame around. "I think we might get kicked out anyway" Sasori said. "well, that's one thing" Kaori said walking away.**

**_With Kakuzu and Hidan_**

**Hidan and Kakuzu where walking around when Hidan saw his dream toy. "HEY! KAKUZU, YOU OLD FART! LOOK!" Hidan yelled pointing to a crane machine. "What about it?" Kakuzu asked. "it has a my little pony! It's the last one I need for my collection" Hidan said with his hand together. "your what!" Kakuzu asked. "Demolition" Hidan quickly said "oh" Kakuzu said. "SOO CAN I PLEASE PLAY! YOU OLD FART!" Hidan asked like a kid asking for candy. **

**Kakuzu groaned. "sure" He said. "YEA!" Hidan said happily jumping in the air then he ran over to the crane. "HEY YA OLD FART! HAND ME A F*CKIN QUARTER!" Hidan yelled. Kakuzu sadly handed over a quarter. Hidan smirked and grabbed the bag. "HA! YA OLD FART!" Hidan yelled. **

**Then he quickly put all the quarters in. Kakuzu cried sadly and fell to the floor like a baby crying over candy. Hidan just **

**laughed. **

**Hidan used all the money. And when there was only one quarter left he finally got the Pony. "YEAA!" Hidan shirked in happiness. "I GOT DA PONY!" Hidan yelled happily. Everyone looked over at him. "um…. JASHIN ROCKS!" Hidan yelled before running away. **

**_With Leader and Konan_**

**The two ninja heard screams and crashes. "oh, god" Leader said annoyed. "Were gonna get kicked out" Konan said. Leader nodded. "I think we should just go" Leader said. Konan nodded and finished paying for there stuff.**

**_With Kisame_**

**The fish boy continued to run until he was stopped by the manager and kicked out.**

**_With Kaori and Itachi_**

"**oh no. I think I just saw Kisame get kicked out" Sasori said. "WE MIGHT BE NEXT, UN!" Deidara shrieked "Dei-chan, your over reacting" Kaori said. "hn" Itachi said leaning against a shelf. Then they saw Hidan run there way. "YEAAAA!" He yelled happily. "Hey, Hidan, where's Kakuzu?" Kaori asked. "the old fart is cryin like a baby. Anyway. I got my final pony for my collection!" Hidan yelled. "Pony?" Kaori asked. **

**Hidan was silent. "HEY I WANT THAT PONY!" Sasori yelled. "NNNNOOOO!" Hidan shrieked running away from the red headed boy. "GIMME DAT PONY!" Sasori yelled. "NNOOOOOOOOO!" Hidan yelled. Soon the 2 ninja where far from Kaori's view. **

"**Lets go see how Tobi's doin" Kaori asked. Deidara and Itachi nodded. **

**_With Tobi and Zetsu_**

**Zetsu ran after Tobi. "Tobi! Stop it's okay" Zetsu said. Tobi stopped. "a-are you sure" Tobi asked. Zetsu nodded. "Hey! Tobi! Zetsu!" Kaori yelled. "Hey, Kaori-chan!" Tobi called. "Hey, un" Deidara said. "HEY DEIDARA-SEMPAI!" Tobi called out. "Hey Itachi" Zetsu said. "hn" Itachi said. "So, where's Sasori?" Tobi asked.**

"**With Hidan" Kaori said. Then Leader and Konan came running back. "Hey, we need to leave NOW" Leader said. "Why?" Kaori asked "Well I just saw Hidan and Sasori fighting over a stupid pink little pony in the video game section" Leader said.**

"**But can I buy some pop tarts?" Tobi asked. Leader sighed. "fine" Tobi leapt in the air. "YEA!" Then Tobi ran over to the pop tarts and bought a box of Strawberry pop tarts. "oooh! There's a surprise inside!" Tobi said happily.**

"**Lets pay then go" Leader said taking the box to the counter. After paying for the box they put there bags together then went to the parking lot. "Okay, everyone that rode with Sasori rides with me. And everyone that rode with me ride with Sasori." Leader said. "YEA!" Everyone yelled that ride with Leader yelled except Tobi. He just groaned.**

**_Everyone is in the car_**

**Leader took off really fast. Making everyone Scream to the top of there lungs. "!" Everyone screamed.**

**_With Sasori_**

"**Relaxing" Kisame said. Kakuzu fell asleep and was sucking his thumb. Tobi was screaming. "!" Tobi yelled. "WTF! Tobi!" Kisame yelled. "Tobi scared" Tobi said. **

**_With Leader_**

**Kaori was very tired of screaming and went to the front with Leader. And knocked him out. "WTF Kaori!" Hidan yelled. "I WANNA DRIVE!" Kaori yelled. "NOOO! YOU DON'T HAVE A LICENCE!" Hidan yelled. Kaori stuck her tongue out at Hidan. "Im driving you pigmy son of a B*tch!" Kaori yelled. Then she quickly pushed the unconscious Leader to the back of the car. Kaori quickly got to the front of the Car. "im driven!" Kaori yelled. Then she hit the gas sending the Akatsuki flying to the front of there hideout.**

**_With Sasori_**

**Tobi continued to cry as Sasori pulled up. Everyone was soon out of the car.**

**_Akatsuki_**

**The Akatsuki members went into there hideout with there groceries. When they all went to the living room the place was trashed. pop tarts and juice was everywhere. "!" Kakuzu yelled dropping to his knees. "I don't think it's thaat bad" Kaori said "it could be worse" Then she went into her room. "!" Kaori shirked. Everyone ran into her an Deidara's room. "They Broke my Butcher knife!" Kaori yelled. Everyone sweat dropped then started to run. "Some one has to F*cking pay!" Kaori yelled chasing Kisame around. **

"**!" Kisame shirked as he ran. **

"**Kaori. Stop, I found a video" Leader said. Kaori stopped chasing Kisame and quickly ran over. All of Akatsuki sat on the couch. Waiting for Leader to put the video in.**


	9. The Lord Poptart Arc Begins!

_**Leader slowly put In the Video the Screen buzzed and then a picture appeared. **_

"_**Hellooo. Akatsuki members. I and my henchman have destroyed your hideout and your weapons. We will continue if you don't give us what we want. Oh and you realize it I didn't say what my name was? Well I don't want you to-"**_

"_**Lord Poptart we have sprung a leak in the central area of the poptart base" a henchman said.**_

"_**Stfu! Now they know my name!" Lord poptart screamed. "sorry my lord" the henchman said.**_

"_**Anyways Akatsuki I am lord poptart and I will conquer you all. And I know your Tobi cant resist the taste of Strawberry poptarts!" Lord poptart said.**_

_**Then the video ended.**_

"_**What the F*ck was he talking about?" Hidan asked.**_

"_**I dunno but I think it involves Tobi" Leader said looking over at Tobi.**_

_**Kaori sat in the chair and was crying. "NOT MY KNIFE I HAD IT SINCE I WAS 5!" Kaori wailed. Everyone looked over at her wide eyed. "What?" Kaori asked looking at them.**_

_**Then they all heard a rustle in the groceries bags. "what the F*ck?" Kaori asked. **_

_**That's when the strawberry poptarts that Tobi bought came to life. "we will kill you!" A poptart said. Everyone exchanged looks. And laughed. The poptarts growled and grabbed Tobi. "see ya!" a poptart said then they all disappeared. "oh no! Tobi's gone!" Sasori yelled.**_

"_**YEA!, Un!" Deidara yelled. Everyone glared at him. "What?, un" Deidara asked. "look this is a crises situation" Leader said. "so what do we do?" Itachi asked. Leader stood in a dramatic pose. "we fight!" He said. **_

_**Everyone stared at leader. "What?" He asked. Everyone shook there heads. "so how will be stop him?" Kaori asked. Everyone shrugged.**_

_**~At Lord Poptarts hideout~**_

"_**Hello. Are you the so called Tobi?" The lord poptart asked looking at Tobi. "Yeah, im Tobi and im a good boy" Tobi said happily. "soo. Tobi. You are to work with us" The lord said. "no. Tobi with Akatsuki" Tobi said. "okay. Then, Tobi. If you don't want to be in my hideout then you will be a poptart man which is not a poptart man which is actually an Akatsuki by publical law in poptart town so if you don't like us you don't like pie which you don't like poptarts and Akatsuki" The lord said fastly. "okay. Tobi is not but a poptart in Akatsuki hideout so I will be a poptart Akatsuki!" Tobi said. All the followers looked over at there lord and Tobi with confused looks. **_

"_**do you even know what they said?" One poptart asked. "no clue" the other said. "So, Tobi. Your first job Is to deliver the Akatsuki a gift" The Lord said. "Tobi like surprises!" Tobi said jumping up and down. "good because this present is part of a big surprise, and that surprise will be a bombing hit" The lord said smiling. **_

_**~Akatsuki hideout~ **_

"_**So I have a plan. We sacrifice there *sses!" Hidan yelled. "only you can think about that you Emo *uck!" Kaori yelled. Hidan's eye twitched. "Take that back *itch!" Hidan yelled. Kaori stuck her tongue out at Hidan. **_

"_**uh, Kaori, Hidan. Cant we settle this differently?" Itachi asked. "okay, Tachi" Kaori said. "What ever *itches" Hidan said walking away. "Deidara-kun. I just want you to know, I love you with all my heart" Sasori said. "um. Okay, un" Deidara said backing away from his partner. **_

"_**ALL OF YOU! I HAVE A PLAN!" Everyone looked over to where they heard the voice. "Zetsu?" Everyone asked looking over to Zetsu. "What's the plan?" Leader asked. "Poptart costumes **____**!" the white side of Zetsu said holding up a poptart costume. "oh. *ell no!" Hidan yelled. "we can carve Jashin into it" The black side said.**_

"_**Yea! Im with ya. You *ssholes!" Hidan yelled happily. **_

"_**okay" Kaori said. Then she heard her door shut. Kaori quickly ran into her room. Then ran back into the living room. "WHO KEEPS TAKING MY BRA'S!" Kaori yelled. **_

_**~Else where~**_

"_**HAHA! I finally completed my collection of Kaori bra's!" Sasuke squealed throwing them into the air. "um. Sasuke, you know she's wearing one. Right? Plus she's going to buy more" Kabuto said. "Why couldn't You be gay like me!" Orochimaru wailed. "well. The collection continues!" Sasuke said pointing a finger into the air. **_

_**Then Sasuke jumped out his window to Stalk Kaori like he did every Tuesday. **_

_**~Akatsuki Hideout~**_

_**Kaori sat on the couch grumbling to herself about loss of her favorite bra's and her broken knife. "are you okay, F*ck face?" Hidan asked. Kaori glared up at him. "do I f*cking look okay!" Kaori yelled. Then she got up and ran into her room and screamed. **_

"_**Go check on her, Hidan" Leader said. "F*ck you, leader" Hidan said before walking down the hall to Kaori's room. Kaori looked over at Hidan. "LEAVE ME ALONE, B*TCH!" Kaori yelled. "Look. Leader wanted me to go check on you, you dumb B*tch *ss" Hidan said. "soo. What's the problem?" Hidan asked. Kaori's back was turned to Hidan and she was moving her fingers around. "What the F*ck are you doing!" Hidan yelled. Kaori moved and showed a tied up Sasuke. **_

"_**Why was he in here?" Hidan asked. "I caught him trying to take my underwear" Kaori said. "Um, B*tch. Girls don't call them underwear, males do. So you have to call them pa-" Hidan was cut off. "No!" Kaori yelled. Hidan smirked. "Panties" Kaori dropped to her knees.**_

"_**WHY!" She yelled. Sasuke who was tied up smirked and looked down at her butt. Kaori felt eye's staring at her she quickly turned around and smacked Sasuke. "PERV!" She yelled. Sasuke winced a bit from the tingling pain that was on his cheek. **_

_**~Itachi's POV~**_

_**I heard Kaori scream and Leader told Hidan to go check on her. So I waited then heard her yell then I heard her yell another word I never wanted to hear. 'PERV!' them my worst fears came true. Was Hidan trying to make a move with Kaori? Or better yet the girl that I loved?**_

_**~Kaori's room~**_

"_**Kaori you look so pretty" Sasuke said. Kaori growled. "um, B*tch no need for all the F*cking Violence!" Hidan yelled. Then he brought his hand down and smacked Kaori on the cheek really hard. **_

"_**Ow! that hurts!" Kaori groaned.**_

_**~Itachi's POV~**_

_**That's when I heard another shocking sound, 'Ow! That hurts!' where they? No. Hidan hates Kaori and Kaori hates Hidan. Or was it all an act?**_

_**~Kaori's room~**_

_**After being hit Kaori quickly hit Hidan. "Why bother? I love pain" He said. Kaori growled. Sasuke sat there for a moment then shrugged. "See ya! Kaori-chan!" Sasuke said before disappearing. Kaori looked over at the poof of slowly vanishing smoke. Then turned to Hidan who quickly ran over to her and pinned her down on her bed.**_

"_**Hidan! Stop! It Hurts!" Kaori yelled. "hey. Like I would let you get away with that" Hidan said. Kaori growled and tried to push him off. No luck.**_

_**~Itachi's POV~**_

_**That's when I thought my opinion was true. I heard Kaori yell 'Hidan! Stop! It Hurts!'. I couldn't take it anymore. If Hidan was doing what I think he was doing then Kaori would fall for that bastered. I quickly got up and ran down the hall stopping at Kaori's door. **_

_**I heard them whispering. I couldn't make out what it was but I was soon going to find out.**_

_**~Kaori's room~**_

_**Kaori was struggling to get free from Hidans grasp when the door slammed open. Kaori quickly looked over to the door. "I-Itachi?" Kaori asked. Itachi was mad. He had his Sharingan active and ready for a fight.**_

"_**Hidan, how could you?" Itachi asked his voice colder than ever. Hidan quickly jumped up. "Me and the B*tch where in a fight" Hidan said. Kaori nodded. "Then the sounds?" Itachi asked. "I was yelling at him" Kaori asked. Itachi sighed in relief and his Sharingan faded away.**_

"_**Oh. And Sasuke was trying to steal my underwear" Kaori said. "Don't you mean, Panties?" Hidan asked smirking. **_

"_**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Kaori yelled running out of her room.**_

_**Kaori ran into the living room. "hey Kaori-chan. What's the problem, un?" Deidara asked. "Nothing" Kaori said pouting. Soon Itachi and Hidan where in the living room.**_

"_**So. Everyone we will strike at dawn" Leader said. "Um, Pein. You don't even know where the base is" Kaori said. "HEY! HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME!" Leader yelled. "Internet" Kaori said. Leader pouted. "im not a mystery!" Leader wailed.**_

"_**Well it's not anymore" Kaori said. "Um. I think I may know where there base is" The white side of Zetsu said. "Where?" Sasori asked looking at Zetsu. "Well. I kinda planted a tracking device in Tobi's underwear" The white side said. "EH!" Hidan yelled. "You stalking Perv!" Hidan yelled. "Shut up, Hidan" Kakuzu said finally coming out of his trance. **_

"_**Well we should get tracking" Kaori said. Everyone nodded.**_


	10. Tracking Tobi!

**After putting on the costumes They used Zetsu's tracking device and saw where the Land was located. "OMFG!" Kaori screamed. "What is it? F*ck face?" Hidan asked. **

**The Land is located on Kakuzu's, face" Kaori said looking over at Kakuzu. "Im not taking my mask off!" Kakuzu yelled. Hidan smirked then ran over to Kakuzu and snatched It off of him. "NOOO!" Kakuzu yelled covering his mouth.**

"**Um, Kakuzu. Why?" Kaori asked. "Yeah, un" Deidara said. "Well. Before I was a criminal I was an actor" Kakuzu said smiling on the other side of his hands.**

**~Flash back~**

"**No! Mr. peters doesn't like cherry pie! I don't care if it's just the smell!" Kakuzu's agent said over the phone. Meanwhile Kakuzu was in the middle of his acting plays. Titled 'The beautiful and the Ugly'.**

"**Who where you?" Hidan snickered. "Shut up Hidan and let me continue" Kakuzu said. "Oh, where was I? oh I remember. I was the best of the best…." Kakuzu was the most prettiest man in Hollywood. Next was Brad Pitt. Anyways Kakuzu was a millionaire and had millions of woman. He was the most successful person from his high school years. **

"**There couldn't be a reunion. There all dead now. You old F*ck" Hidan once again interrupted. "Shut up, Hidan" Kaori said. Kakuzu ignored them and continued.**

**Kakuzu had it all until he found out that his 45****th**** girlfriend was pregnant so he was kicked out of show business. His girlfriend was rich but gave him allowances. Kakuzu was really mad so one day he killed both his girlfriend and there newly born child then robbed them then left the village.**

**~End flash back~**

"**Wow, Kakuzu for a man with many hearts you sure don't use them" Kaori said as tears fled from her eyes. "Dude. That's just F*cking cruel" Hidan said. "OOH! So you'll let us see your face!" Sasori asked as his eye's twinkled.**

**Kakuzu sighed. "Alright" Then he slowly removed his hands. A bright light shinned.**


	11. The pretty boy and some love

**Kakuzu removed his hands and there showed the most handsome man in the world. Sasori was the first to knock out cold with a nosebleed seeping out of his nose. Kaori was next. "Wow, Kakuzu" Hidan said. Kakuzu smiled. "So are we going or not?" Itachi asked a bit annoyed looking down at Kaori. "Oh. Yeah where going" Leader said. "um, where's Kisame?" Hidan asked. **

**~Kisame's room~**

"**Lalalala lalalala Elmo's world!" Kisame sang as he watched sesame street. **

**~Living room~**

"**Forget him. We need Tobi back!" Leader yelled. "Konan! Open the portal!" Leader demanded. "Tsk. You are bossy" Konan said flipping her hair back then doing some hand signs then made a portal appear on Kakuzu's mouth.**

"**Away we go!" Leader yelled as he ran into the portal. Next was Konan, then Itachi, then Deidara, then Zetsu, then Hidan, then Sasori who was carrying Kaori. **


	12. Tobi! we need you!

**Through the portal they saw lands of milk and cookies. Hidan took one look. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" Hidan screamed running around in circles. Kaori woke up. "Hey! Look cookies!" Kaori screamed then she ran over and started to eat. Then spit them out. "What kind of Cookies are these!" Kaori screamed. **

"**Genjutsu" Itachi said. Then appeared a land of darkness shaded over with red bloody skies and dragons. **

"**Now that what im talking about!" Hidan yelled. Kaori sighed. "So where do we go?" Itachi asked. "We take a left" Zetsu said. Everyone nodded then went left. **

**Down there they saw two door's. one said: LORD POPTARTS SECRET LAIR. The other said: OTHER HALLWAY.**

"**So which is the one?" Kaori asked Hidan. Itachi sweat dropped. "How about th-" Itachi was cut off by Kaori hushing him. "I know this" Kaori said. "OOOH!. How about we try the other hallway?" Hidan said. "okay" Kaori said. "Dumbnutts" Itachi said as he followed them.**

**When they opened the door they saw a large room. "Cooool!" Kaori said looking around. The boys followed her then they all got caught into a large cage. "AAAAAHHHH!" Kaori screamed. "You should have gone the other way" Itachi said. "Hey. It's just a cage. How could it get any worse?" Hidan asked. Then the floor slipped below them and there showed man eating sharks. **

"**AAAAAAAHHHHH!" Hidan shrieked jumping into Itachi's arms. Itachi quickly pushed him down. "Im sorry. But I HATE Sharks" Hidan said. Then the cage dropped half a centimeter. Hidan screamed again.**

**Then the door that they first came out of opened revealing Lord poptart. He clapped. "Wow. I didn't believe you would be soo stupid. But I was wrong!" Lord poptart said. "Tobi. Come!" He yelled. Tobi entered the room. **

"**TOBI, UN! HOW COULD YOU, UN!" Deidara yelled. "Hi Senpai! Tobi works for Poptart Akatsuki!" Tobi said. "TRAITOR!" Hidan yelled. "Tobi is not" Tobi said. "Well. Tobi let us go so that they can rush to there doom" Lord poptart said. "Yes, Master" Tobi said following Lord poptart out of the room.**


	13. The confession

**When they where gone the cage dropped two inches. "Where Gonna die!" Kaori screamed. "I think this should be a good time to get some things off our chest's" Leader suggested. **

**Everyone nodded. "I'll go first. Deidara, I used your strawberry shampoo." Kaori said. "THAT WAS YOU,UN! I BLAMED SASORI!" Deidara yelled. "Sorry, Sasori, un" Deidara said. "It's okay" Sasori said. "After all I do smell your used underwear" Sasori mumbled. "What was that, un?" Deidara asked. "Nothing" Sasori said.**

"**well. Im next, un" Deidara said. "Itachi. I found your perverted magazines and spilled coffee on them, un" Deidara said. "THAT WAS YOU? YOU SAID IT WAS MY BROTHER!" Itachi yelled. "Im gay" Sasori said. Everyone was quiet for a moment. "Im next. Konan I love you" Leader said. "Aww! I love you too!" Konan said then kissed Leader. **

"**I talk to plants for fun" Zetsu said. "no duh!" Kaori said. "Well. Hidan your next" Kaori said. "I have no secrets" Hidan said. "um. Sure. Itachi?" Kaori asked. "oh. Well. Um I collect pervy magazines" Itachi said. Hidan smirked. "Hidan just say something" Kaori said. "No" Hidan said then the cage dropped more. "OKAY! KAORI BEFORE WE DIE I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I-I LOVE YOU!" Hidan yelled. **

**Kaori froze in shock. "Y-You l-love me? I n-never w-would h-have known" Kaori said breaking down into tears. "Kaori, well I love you too" Itachi said. Kaori started crying harder. **

**Then the door busted open. Everyone looked over to see who It was.**


	14. He Came Back!

"**T-Tobi, un?" Deidara asked. Tobi nodded. "B-But I thought you left" Leader said unlatching lips with Konan. "Tobi, sorry. Tobi lied" Tobi said sadly. "Oh, it's okay. Tobi" Kaori said. "Can you please f*cking let us out?" Hidan asked. **

**Tobi nodded and went to the controls and turned the thing off. Which made the floor close. Then the cage opened. "Thanks Tobi!" Kaori yelled hugging Tobi. "It's okay." Tobi said. "Now lets kick some butt!" Kaori yelled. Everyone nodded. Then ran out the door.**

**They slammed the Lord poptarts door open. "Zetsu! Do your worst!" Kaori yelled. "But im full" Zetsu said. "Well. You could empty your stomach" Hidan said. "Okay" Zetsu said as he couched up the little girl and her mother. "W-Were free!" The mother yelled running away.**

"**okaaaay" Kaori said. The lord poptart looked at them. "Henchmen fight!" He yelled.**

**Then the ceiling opened revealing many poptarts. "CHARGE!" Kaori yelled charging at them. "But Kaori-chan. What about your knife?" Itachi asked.**

"**Who need's a freaking knife?" Kaori asked. "I know kung fu" Kaori said. As she kicked and punched Poptarts. Hidan smirked and ran towards them. "You guys should do well as sacrifices!" He yelled as he pulled his blade out and started cutting up poptarts.**

**Itachi used his Sharingan to make them fight each other. Pein and Konan used the power of sharp love. Zetsu ate poptarts and Tobi joined. Deidara blew up poptarts. And Sasori used his chakra strings to make them fight each other.**

**Soon they where all killed. And everyone turned to the Lord poptart. "Your going down!" Kaori yelled. As everyone charged at him and used there powers. When they where finished Tobi and Zetsu ate up the body. **

"**Konan. Open the portal it's time to go home" Leader said. Konan nodded. "Kaori-chan. Everything said here stays here" Hidan said. "Agreed" Kaori said. Then Kaori turned to Itachi. "So, you really liked me, huh?" Kaori asked. Itachi blushed. "Um, yeah" He said. "well. I rather keep that a secret, you wouldn't want to ruin out friendship, would you?" Kaori asked. Itachi shook his head. **

"**Then, friends?" Itachi asked Kaori nodded and shook his hand. "Friends" She replied.**

**They all walked through the portal. When they where on the other side they where once again in the living room. "Soo, you won?" Kakuzu asked. Sasori looked at Kakuzu and fainted. "Yeah, we won. And Kakuzu put your mask back on" Leader said. **

**Kakuzu nodded and put his mask back on. "Deidara, put Sasori in his room" Leader said. Deidara nodded and picked up Sasori. He walked down the long dark hallway when Sasori woke up. "Dei-chan!" Sasori yelled happily "didn't know you loved me!" Deidara eye's widened and he dropped Sasori. **

**Sasori rubbed his backside and quickly got up. "Sasori, I don't like you, un" Deidara said. "Liar! You carried me!" Sasori yelled. Then glopped him. "Sasori, un get off!" Deidara yelled. "no!" Sasori yelled. Then Sasori looked into Deidara's blue eye's. "I love you, and I'll never let you go" Sasori said.**

"**Sasori, you have to understand, un. I just don't like you, un" Deidara said. A Tear ran down Sasori's face. Sasori shut his eye's. "Please, tell me your lying!" Sasori pleated. Deidara shook his head. "Im not, un" Deidara said. **

**Sasori's body fell to the ground. "Deidara, I-I d-don't understand. Y-you where s-supposed t-to love m-me. don't tell me you love….Kaori" Sasori said looking up at Deidara with a deathly glare. **

**Deidara's face started to sweat. "I-I d-don't love her, un" Deidara said nervously. "You stuttered. You love her" Sasori said. "I-I do not, un!" Deidara yelled. "heh, you lie too much" Sasori said before standing up and walking away. **

"**W-where are you going, un?" Deidara asked. Sasori looked back. "Oh, nowhere, Dei-chan" Sasori said smiling. Then he walked into his room and closed the door. **

**Deidara sighed. Then walked into the living room. He gained stare's by everyone. "What was that all about?" Kaori asked. "oh, Kaori. You might wanna stay away from Sasori for a while, un" Deidara said. "Wait! Did you reject him!" Kaori screamed. **

"**uh, yeah, un" Deidara said. Kaori ran all the way over to him. "You son of a…" and Bam! She punched him. "OWWWWWWWWWWW!" Deidara screamed as he rolled all over the floor. Hidan busted out laughing.**

**Kaori looked down at Deidara. "never reject someone that is gay or they assume that you like the only girl in the house that is available" Kaori said. **

"**Thanks for telling me that NOW, un" Deidara said in a muffled voice. Kaori looked down at him. "now thanks to you! Sasori wants revenge. And on the girl he thinks you like. So he wants to kill me!" Kaori yelled. **

**Then Kisame came into the room. "Fish crackers" He said. Everyone stared at him.**


	15. Ravenge & Blood

**It was late and Kaori was sitting in the living room watching her favorite Tv show, Death note. "Kira! You are soo smart!" Kaori said with a twinkle in her eye. "So, you like that actor?" Kaori turned around and saw Hidan. "um, yeah. He's soo smart, cute and he kills people!" Kaori squealed**

"**hm. I still don't like it" Hidan said. Then he reached over and changed the channel. "Hey! What is this show!" Kaori yelled. "it's called code geass." Hidan said. "So. How is he better than Kira?" Kaori asked. "He fights in a giant robot and he goes by the name Zero. He kills many people. And right now the girl that loves him is about to kill him. OH PLEASE DON'T KILL LULU!" Hidan wailed. "um. My show is better" Kaori said.**

"**no way it is!" Hidan yelled. "mines better" Kaori scoffed. "Im going to my room" Kaori said getting up. "see ya!" Hidan yelled. Kaori walked down the long dark hallway. She opened her room door. Deidara was sleeping and Sasori was sitting on the bed sharpening a knife. **

"**Um, Sasori-chan. What are you doing?" Kaori asked nervously. "oh, Kaori-chan. You finally came back" Sasori said with a smug grin. "uh, yeah" Kaori said. "so, are you ready for some fun?" Sasori asked. Kaori quickly shook her head. "heh, how about tag? Im It!" Sasori said. Holding up his knife.**

"**Prepare to die!" Sasori yelled. Swiping the knife in front of Kaori. "Revenge is a b*tch, isn't it?" Sasori asked. Kaori's eyes widened. "w-why? Deidara doesn't like me" Kaori said. "im not taking any chances" Sasori said. Kaori backed up. Sasori stood up and cut Kaori's cheek. Blood rolled down her cheek and hit the floor. Kaori wiped the blood off of her cheek. "S-Sasori. W-why?" Kaori asked as tears fled from her eye's they mixed with her blood. Turning it pink.**

"**S-Sasori. W-why would you hurt your best friend? I don't like Deidara. And you know that" Kaori said. Sasori face was full of shock. 'she's right' He thought as he dropped his knife. Then he embraced her in a hug. "Im, soo sorry!" Sasori said. "I-It's okay" Kaori said. **

**Kaori walked over to her bed and sat down on her bed. "Wait there" Sasori said before going over to his desk to get something. He pulled out bandages. He tied the bandage around her head and over her scar. **

"**Thank you, Sasori-chan." Kaori said smiling. "your welcome. Im really sorry about the whole cutting you thing" Sasori said making his way back to his bed. "oh, it's okay. If I where you, I would have done the same thing" Kaori said. **

**Sasori nodded. "goodnight" He said. "Good night" Kaori said. Then Sasori turned off the lamp and they all went to sleep. Except Hidan who tried watching death note and scared himself to death. "SHINIGAMI ARE HERE!" He screamed and ran around in circles. He eventually woke everyone up. So everyone beat him up until he shut up.**

**Then they went back to Sleep.**


	16. The Contest

**When everyone woke up they went and ate the breakfast that Kaori made. Then when they finished they did what ever. Kaori went into the living room and turned on the Tv. She flipped through channels when something caught her eye.**

_**Hello, we have a great deal! **_

_**We will host a reality show. You can call our number at the bottom of the screen. The winner of the reality show will get to date Light Yagame, the Star of Death note. Oh and did I mention you have to win his heart. So the show will start next Month in the rain village. So I hope you girls are ready for some Light.**_

**Kaori's jaws dropped. "Kaori-chan. Are you really going to enter that reality contest?" Sasori asked. "YES! Light Yagame is HOT!" Kaori squealed. "well. Um can I go too?" Sasori asked. "You know him?" Kaori asked. A slight blush appeared on Sasori's face. Sasori nodded. **

"**So. We need to go shopping. It's better if I can out look any girl trying to get to Light!" Kaori said. Sasori nodded. "Eh, Sasori, Kaori, you guys are going to try out for that?" Hidan asked. Both of the ninja's nodded. "oh, well. Good luck…." Hidan said. "Hidan! You are coming too! I need you to drive!" Kaori yelled. "Eh? Why?" Hidan asked.**

"**You can drive better than me" Kaori said. "oh, and if you don't. then when I win. I'll have him summon the Shinigami on you!" Kaori said. Hidan started to shake. "DON'T DO IT!" He screamed. "Then drive" Kaori said. Hidan nodded. "Lets go, now!" Kaori yelled pumping a fist into the air. Sasori and Hidan nodded. "Where are you guys going?" Itachi asked walking into the room. "Where going to enter that reality show!" Kaori yelled. "Um, you know they don't start the auditions until next month right?" Itachi asked.**

"**Oh, thanks for telling me" Kaori said before plopping down onto the couch. Sasori did the same. Soon they heard a knock at the door.**


	17. A Visitor

"**I'll get it" Hidan said before getting up. Kaori nodded. Hidan went to the door and opened it. In the doorway stood a girl with long silvery black hair. "Hello, Im Akira" She said smiling. "Oh, um, are you joining Akatsuki?" Hidan asked. The girl nodded. "Then, come right in" Hidan said letting the girl into the house. **

**Akira walked into the living room. "Hey, who are you?" Itachi asked. "Hey! Im Akira!" Akira introduced herself. "WAIT! SIS, WHY DID YOU JOIN TOO!" Kaori yelled. Akira laughed. "Why, Sis I wanted to be with you! You know, Naruto's been all over me. And im kinda tired of him" Akira said sighing and sitting on the couch.**

"**Hey, Akira-chan" Sasori said. "Im Sasori" Sasori added. Akira nodded. "I know, I read bingo books" Akira said. Then She looked over at her Sister. "Oh, and Sis. Your in the new book. You could have had a better Pic though" Akira said holding up a picture of Kaori in her pajamas and her hair was everywhere. "Hey! I just woke up!" Kaori yelled. "That's, no excuse" Akira said smiling. "Anyway. Your Leader told me that I was excepted here" Akira said. **

"**hm" Kaori said before getting up and going to her room. She opened the door and saw Deidara in the room playing with his clay bombs. "What's wrong, un?" Deidara asked as he watched Kaori sit on her bed. "My Sister is here" Kaori responded. "oh, she cant be that bad, un" Deidara said. "You, don't understand" Kaori said.**

"**What do you mean, un?" Deidara asked. "She's the complete opposite of me! that's why I left the village. Plus I was stronger than ALL the sanin. So there was no reason for me to stay" Kaori said. **

"**oh, un" Deidara said. "so what are you going to do about her, un?" "Well. I will make a truce with her, oh and she is a Sasori fan-girl." Kaori said. Deidara busted out laughing. "Well. I better go" Kaori said before leaving.**

**When she came back in the living room Hidan and Itachi where gone and Sasori and Akira where sitting on the couch. "Hey, Where is F*ck face and Tachi?" Kaori asked. "um, they went out to get some blankets for Akira-chan" Sasori said. "Oh" Kaori said before sitting on the couch near Sasori and Akira.**

**Kaori glanced over at Akira. Akira was leaning on Sasori and he had an uncomfortable face. Kaori silently giggled. Akira pressed her chest up against Sasori's shoulder. Sasori tightly closed his eyes. He didn't like this one bit. Akira stopped and whispered into Sasori's ear. Sasori's eye's shot open. Then he jumped off the couch.**

"**WHAT THE H*LL IS WRONG WITH YOU! IM F*CKING GAY!" Sasori screamed then Akira's eye's widened. She quickly ran out of the room quite embarrassed.**

**Kaori walked over to Sasori. "you know she liked you, right?" Kaori asked. Sasori looked up at her and Nodded. "She whispered nasty things in my ear" Sasori said. "HAHAHAHAHA!" Kaori laughed. **

**Then Kaori went looking for her Sister. She finally found her in the bathroom. "Akira, you cant assume everyone here is straight. Some people are in relationships, you need to get to know people first" Kaori said. **

**Akira nodded. "Im Sorry Kaori. I just came in here being mean. I think we should have a truce and lets finally become real sister's" Akira said. "That would be nice" Kaori said. "Truce?" Akira asked. "truce" Kaori said.**

**The two sister's hugged each other, then they walked out of the bathroom. "now. I'll show you how to torture people" Kaori said with a wicked grin. Akira replied with the same grin. "Now, we'll torture Kisame first!" Kaori said. Akira nodded and reached into her pocket and pulled out a shot gun. **

**Kaori's eye's widened. "You cant kill him!" Kaori yelled. "Sis, you obviously don't remember do you?" Akira asked. Then pointed the gun at a picture of Leader when he was in first grade. "Watch and learn" Akira said then she shot the gun. And out popped gummy bears. **

"**HAHAHA!" Akira laughed. Kaori smiled. "I need a new weapon" Kaori said. "Here." Akira said reaching into her pocket and pulled out the identical butcher knife. "H-How?" Kaori asked. **

"**the butcher and I made 2 when we gave it to you, remember?" Akira asked. "um, I don't remember, but thanks!" Kaori said hugging her sister. "now lets get Kisame!" Akira and Kaori yelled and started to run towards Kisame's door.**


	18. The Wrath of 2 sisters!

**They Slammed open the door. "AAAHH!" Kisame shirked. Akira and Kaori where silent for a moment. Kisame was holding a picture of Glodie and had it a centimeter from his mouth. Kaori and Akira blurted out laughing. "YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND LOVE!" Kisame yelled. Then he walked towards the sister's. "Not soo fast" Akira said aiming her gun at Kisame. **

"**Gummy bears?" Kisame asked with a smirk. "Like that could hurt me" "Don't underestimate me!" Akira yelled. Then started shooting out Gummy bears. The gummy bears shot at Kisame, it was like throwing firecrackers at a persons face. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Kisame screamed then ran around. "AAAAHHH! IM BLIND!" He yelled, then he tumbled and fell out the window.**

**Kaori laughed some more. "good shot" She said. "Thanks" Akira said. Then the heard a scream of terror. "Uh oh" Kaori said. Remembering what had happened a few minutes before walking into Kisame's room.**

**The sister's walked back out into the hall and saw there Leader. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He cried. "YOU!" He yelled pointing at Kaori and Akira. "YOU WRECKED MY FIRST GRADE PICTURE! I WON THE MISS PONY PAGEANT!" He wailed. **

"**I thought those pageant's where for girls" Kaori said bluntly. Leader glared at her. "I WAS BEAUTIFUL WHEN I WAS YOUNGER!" Leader yelled. Akira smacked him. "GAY!" She yelled. "I HATE F*GS! EXSPEACLLY CROSS-DRESSING F*GS!" Akira yelled. **

**Kaori smirked. "Deidara wore a dress once and Sasori is gay" Kaori said. "! They must die!" Akira yelled before running into the living room. **

"_**Deidara**_**" Akira said in a spooky voice. Deidara quickly turned around. "What's up, un?" Deidara asked. Akira smirked and held up her gun. "DIE YOU F*G!" Akira yelled shooting gummy bears. "AHHHHHH!" Deidara screamed running away. **

**Leader walked back into the living room and gained attention from Akira. "YOU DIE TOO!" Akira yelled shooting at Leader. Leader screamed in a high pitched voice and ran away. **

**Kaori walked into the living room and smirked. 'She hasn't changed at all' She thought before plopping down on the couch and eating popcorn with Itachi. "what's going on?" Itachi asked looking over at her. "My Sis hates F*gs" Kaori said. "oh" Itachi said reaching for some more popcorn. Kaori turned up the TV toning out all the screaming.**


	19. Akira goes crazier

**Soon Akira was tired of Chasing Deidara and Leader. She stopped and took a breath. "Yo! Akira, do you want a drink?" Itachi called from the kitchen. Akira ran into the kitchen. "Sure!" She said.**

"**Okay, how about some coffee?" Itachi asked. Akira nodded furiously. He poured her and cup and handed her the cup. Akira put it up to her lips, she was about to take a drink when Kaori came into the room. "hey, sis what are you drinking?" Kaori asked. **

"**Coffee" Akira responded. Kaori's eye's popped out of her head. "NOOOO!" She screamed. But it was too late, Akira drunk the coffee. "What's wrong with coffee?" Itachi asked. Before Kaori could answer Akira started fidgeting. Then she boosted out of the room. "Just watch" Kaori said with a smirk. **

**Akira ran around the living room in several circles. "ALL YOU F*GS IN THE HOUSE RIGHT NOW ARE GOING TO F*CKING DIE!" Deidara looked over at her and screamed like a girl. Then ran away. Leader screamed and ran with Deidara . Hidan sat on the couch and laughed like a monkey on crack.**

**Kaori sat back and laughed like a crazy girl. (which she is) Itachi joined in. "we should do this once a week" Itachi said, Kaori nodded in agreement.**


	20. The Contest Begins

"**HIDAN!" Hidan sat up really fast bumping his head on the ceiling. "Where am I?" He asked hazily. "Leader told us to hide in the attic" Kaori said. Hidan looked around and saw everyone in the attic. **

"**Why are we here?" Hidan asked. "I dunno" Akira said. "Leader is a butt munch" Zetsu said. Everyone nodded in agreement. Suddenly the door opened and leader climbed up the ladder. "hello, everyone" Leader said. "hi" Tobi said. "I have rounded you all here for a contest. The winner gets a prize" Leader said. "what's the contest?" Sasori asked. "Who ever can go the longest by staying In a room with a Tobi doll!" Leader announced. **

**Deidara groaned. "what do we get If we win?" Kaori asked with a slight smirk. "you will win anything you want, but only 1. Were low on our budget." Leader said. "Cool!" Tobi cheered. Kakuzu screamed in horror. "What the heck is wrong with you!" Hidan yelled. "oh, im sorry. I j-just found out, where broke!" Kakuzu wailed. "oh" Akira said. "Well, I guess that means I have to go back to work" Itachi said slumping down. "To the ice cream mobile!" Kisame yelled. **

**Da Da Daaaaa!**

**~Outside of the Akatsuki hideout~**

"**And we should pack lot's of fuggie booties! The kids love 'em" Kisame said storing ice-cream into the freezer. Itachi sighed, "What if my brother catches me in this stupid uniform? I'll never be forgiven" Itachi said sobbing. "Quite your crying, man" Itachi looked over and saw Kaori. Itachi quickly wiped away his tears. "I wasn't crying. I was just happy, that's all" Itachi explained. "sure" Kaori said smirking.**

"**Deidara just left. Oh! And I cant find Sasori. He probably works with Deidara" Kaori said. "and what about you and Akira?" Itachi asked. "I don't have to work until night fall. Akira works as a baby-sitter she claims she's good with kids. When she was a babysitter for my neighbors a few years back she got drunk and peed on the kids" Kaori said, "gross" "I know" Kaori said. **

"_**Fuggie booties, Fuggie booties. Wanna make me shake my bootie!**_**" Kisame sang. Kaori and Itachi started laughing. "Anyway, I gotta go. Fuggie boy and I need to sell some ice-cream" Itachi said before boarding the ice-cream truck. "See ya!" Kaori said waving as they left. **

**~Sound village~**

"**The ice-cream men are here!" a kid yelled. **

"**Kabuto, did I just hear someone say, iccce-creammm?" Orochimaru asked Kabuto. "possibly. But it's too late for that now. You need to take your medication" Kabuto said searching the medicine cabinets. "Can I get some Ice-cream?" Sasuke asked. "shure! And get me some Fuggie bootiesss!" Orochimaru said. "Gay" Sasuke said before leaving. **

**Sasuke walked down to the long line of Kids and pushed them all out of the way. When he got to the front he nearly laughed. "I-Itachi?" Sasuke asked through giggles. Itachi glared down at his little brother. "Yeah, what can I get you?" Itachi asked. "Tomato bonza" Sasuke said. Itachi sighed and searched the back. "sorry, all we have are Fuggie booties" Itachi said. "Gay!" Sasuke yelled before running away. Itachi shook his head and brushed off the comment and continued taking children's order's. **

**Sasuke walked to the back of the ice-cream truck and snuck in. 'I will meet my lovely Kaori!' Sasuke thought as he hid himself behind the box of Fuggie booties.**

**~At the Akatsuki hideout~**

"**yum! Fuggie booties are good!" Akira yelled licking the ice-cream. "all of you f*cking B*stered's are F*cking gay!" Hidan yelled. "shut up" Akira said. "ka-boom guess who stepped in the room!" "Takow!" Hidan responded to the comment. Hidan gave his secret handshake to the person who yelled it, and to everyone's surprise, it was Kakuzu.**

"**Kakuzu crack-head, you ain't cool, B*tch!" Kaori yelled walking into the kitchen. Konan walked in slowly behind her. "I wonder why Konan hasn't had any lines" Akira asked. "maybe YuhiHatake doesn't like her f*cking *ss" Hidan said. **

_**Hey! Who said I didn't like Konan! I do. As a matter or fact I'll give her a few lines you B*tches!**_

"**Hello" Konan said. "wow a f*cking word. You can try harder" Hidan said to the author. **

_**Okay, how about this:**_

"**Hey, have you seen pain, he wasn't in his room, im missing Zetsu and Tobi also" Konan said. "That's better" Kakuzu said. "Shut up you old fart only ****I ****can talk to her! Anyway that's better YuhiHatake" Hidan said.**

_**Thank you.**_

"**I don't know, but I saw Pain dragging around a wagon" Akira said. Hidan nodded in agreement. Then Kakuzu remembered his money. "I want my money!" Kakuzu yelled before crying. "B*tch" Hidan, Kaori, and Akira said. **

**~With Pain, Zetsu, and Tobi~**

"**Leader, a-are you sure this is safe? Tobi has a bad feeling about this" Tobi said. "relax, I got this whole thing under control" Leader said as he put the wagon on the trail at the top of the Largest mountain near the hideout. "The area is clear" Zetsu said. "good, this is going to be so much FUN!" Leader yelled. **

"**im not riding, im only here for Tobi's safety" Zetsu said. "Yea!" Tobi said hugging Zetsu. "gay" Leader mumbled. Zetsu shot a glare at Leader. "sorry" Leader said. "Okay! Tobi, lets ride in this wagon down that hill!" Leader yelled. **

"**okay!" Tobi yelled. They both hopped into the wagon. "Push us!" Leader yelled. Zetsu sighed and pushed them. The wagon started to go down the hill really fast, when something was spotted at the bottom of the hill. "big foot!" Tobi yelled. Then he jumped out of the wagon, making it un even then Leader fell out and tumbled down to the bottom of the hill.**

"**ssssssssssssssss, aaaaaaaaaahh, sssssssssssssssssssss, ahhhhhhh" Leader said holding onto his knee. (if you don't know that's what peter says when he get hurt on family guy) Tobi pointed at Leader and laughed. "Shut the h*ll up!" Leader yelled in pain. "well, seems no one was hurt" Zetsu said. "what! Im hurt!" Leader yelled. "no your not" Zetsu said. "But your about to be!" Akira yelled and popped out of no where.**

**Leader quickly stood up and ran away. "Get back here you gay *ss f*g!" Akira yelled. Tobi and Zetsu laughed. Deidara hid in a tree knowing he was next.**


	21. K, Now the Akatsuki contest starts!

"okay, now we will begin with Hidan. Go in that room with a Tobi doll, we'll monitor how long you'll last" Leader said. "Piece of F*ck" Hidan said smirking as he walked into the room.

Leader walked over and locked the door and started the stopwatch. In a few seconds Hidan ran out of the room screaming in hear. "h-he said he killed queen gingerbread and is holding the gingerbread man captive!" Hidan screamed. "is that all?" Kaori asked a bit annoyed. "no, he showed me a episode of teletubbies!" "oh the horror!" everyone screamed except Sasori, Kaori, Itachi, and Tobi. "dude, you where in there for five second" Itachi said.

_**New record time: 00:00:05**_

"**I think Tipsy is hot!" Sasori yelled. "it's dipsy not tipsy" Kaori said. "well the devil is a lie" Sasori said. "who's next?" Leader asked. "me, Hidan's such a wimp. I'll last longer. Plus im hotter" Kakuzu said stepping forward. "true Dat!" Sasori yelled. "okay, Sasori. Lay off the BET, un" Deidara said. **

"**hey! I finally know what a holla back girl is, want me to tell ya, boobear?" Sasori asked. "b-boobear, un?" Deidara asked. "yep, your new nickname!" Sasori said. Deidara slumped down. "but u said u don't like me, un" "I kinda do, Boobear" Sasori said smiling. **

"**Ready, Kakuzu?" Leader asked. Kakuzu nodded and walked into the room. Leader closed it after him. A few minutes Kakuzu left screaming. "Hey! New Record!" Leader yelled. "What made you crack?" "it said I spent my money, the horror!" Kakuzu yelled sucking his thump. "b*tch" Hidan said. **

"**F*ck you!" Kakuzu yelled. **

_New Record time: 00:03:00_

"**Im going next, un" Deidara said. "Go, BOOBEAR-CHAN!" Sasori yelled. Deidara sweat dropped. "im going in, un" *the top gun anthem starts to play* "WTF! This isn't a TV SHOW!" Itachi yelled. "or is it?" Hidan asked in a ghostly voice. "Dude get away from my ear, gay *ss" Itachi said walking away. "Ready?" Leader asked. Deidara nodded. Leader closed the door behind Deidara.**

**Deidara laughed, then cried, then an explosion was heard. **

_**AAAHHH! Deidara! What are you doing on the set?**_

"**You said I cried and laughed I don't cry im not a girl, un" **

_***smirks* who said your not I can make you one**_

"**0.0'. im sorry I wont complain, un" Deidara said. **

_**Good, now on with the story**_

**Deidara walked out of the room laughing. "New Record" **

_New Record: 00:00:03:01_

"**D*mn" Hidan said. "better luck next time, eh buddy?" "get your f*cking hands off me, un" "oh, h*ll. Deidara, you blew up the doll" Leader said. Deidara smirked. "I hate Tobi, un" "that's a no brainier dude" Kaori said. Everyone nodded. "who's next?" Leader asked dragging the destroyed remains of Tobi out and bringing in a new stuffed Tobi. **

"**OOOH! OOOOH! ME! ME! PICK ME!" Akira yelled with her hand in the air. "how about….Sasori" "P*SS off!" Akira yelled angrily "YEA!" Sasori yelled. Then he skipped into the room. "Ready, Sety, Goey!" Leader yelled closing the door and starting the stopwatch. **

**Sasori sat in the room for a while. "Where's Tipsy? I want tipsy!" Sasori yelled then he opened the door glumly. "N-New Record!" Leader announced. **

_New Record: 00:00:25:53_

"**How in h*ll did you last that long?" Hidan asked. "I wanted Tipsy!" Sasori whined. "it's dipsy" Itachi interrupted. "I don't f*ckin care!" Sasori yelled through tears. **

"**Okay, so who's next?" Leader asked. "ME! ME! PICK ME YOU BUTTMUNCH!" Akira yelled jumping into the air. "Kaori it is" Leader said. "Forget you! Forget you! You butt munch!" Akira yelled pulling out her gun. Everyone stared at her wide eyed. "Don't do it Akira" Kaori said. **

"**Why!" Akira yelled. "because I'll let you go" Kaori said hugging her sister. (Ouran high school host club style) all the boy's blushed. Then the sisters looked at everyone with a smile, then Akira aimed her gun and shot Hidan in the forehead. "That's for yesterday, Perv!" Akira yelled. Hidan fell to the ground in pain.**

"**Thanks sis" Akira said before walking into the room. Leader sighed as he closed the door and started the stopwatch. "and go!" he yelled. Akira sat in the room with Tobi. "how's it going?" Akira asked. "mama" the doll said. Akira's eye's widened. "I AINT YO MAMA!" then she pulled out her gun and shot Tobi in the forehead. "That's what I think of your mama" Akira said before leaving the room.**

"**Akira your score is…..sad" Leader said. Everyone laughed but Kaori, Sasori, Itachi, and Zetsu. **

_Record: 00:00:00:45_

"**What the heck!" Akira yelled. "b-better luck next time, succa" Kisame said. "That's it fish boy, your going DOWN!" Akira yelled before running after Kisame with her gun. **

"**Okaaaay, anyway Kaori your next" Leader said. Kaori nodded and walked over to the room, she closed the door behind her. Leader started to stopwatch. Kaori sat in the room for a while when she suddenly came out. **

_New Record: 00:00:58:54_

"**New Record!" Leader yelled. Kaori smirked and walked away. "Itachi, then Zetsu" Leader said. Itachi stood up and walked into the room, a while later he came out. **

"**New Record!" Leader shrieked. **

_New Record: 00:00:58:55_

"**oh, wow" Hidan commented. "one f*cking second" "shut up, Hidan" Kakuzu said "Okay, Zetsu you the last one" Leader said. Zetsu walked into the room. Time had passed, by now everyone was sleep, after a while Leader woke up and saw Zetsu finally leaving the room. "WOAH!" Everyone said. **

_New Record: 00:13:59:59_

"**Zetsu wins!" Everyone yelled. "What do we win?" the black side asked. "I hope it's sugar cookies, cant go wrong with sweets" The white side said. "oh, shut up" the black side said. "you win….. A trip to the zoo!" Leader said. "yippee!" the white side said. "dang" the black side said.**

"**glad I didn't win" Itachi said Kaori nodded in agreement. "oooh! Zetsu can Tobi go too!" Tobi asked. "knock yourself out, kid" Zetsu said handing Tobi a ticket. "YEA!" Tobi yelled. **


	22. An Unexscpected Guest

**Then the doorbell rang. "I'll get it" Kaori said walking to the door. She opened the door and a young male was at the door. "l-light!" she said. The male nodded. "I suppose you are a huge fan of mine?" he asked in a nice tone. Kaori nodded furiously. Sasori walked over to the door. "Kaori, who is at th-" Sasori stopped when he saw Light.**

"**oh, my, god! It's, it's light!" Sasori shrieked. Light sweat dropped. "don't tell me, you're a fan?" Sasori nodded. "well, anyways my car crashed and I was wondering if I could stay here for a few days. The weather wont be good for my hair" Light said.**

"**o-okay!" Kaori and Sasori said. "come on in" Sasori led Light into the hideout. "hey! Who was at the door?" Itachi asked. "light Yagame!" Kaori shrieked. Itachi sweat dropped. 'she said we should be friends and I still like her, man im jealous of him' Itachi thought sadly. When Hidan heard that light was here he quickly ran and hid.**

"**Hidan, what's your problem?" Kakuzu asked when he found Hidan trying to hide under the rug. "that man has powers, **_**Shinigami**_** powers" Hidan said. Kakuzu started to laugh. "Hidan, you're the all powerful immortal god that brings death and your afraid of an anime cartoon about him?" Hidan frowned and sat up like a child. "b-but he's scawy" "don't worry I'll help ya" Kakuzu said picking Hidan you and carrying him like a baby back to his crib. "awkward" Akira said as she watched them walk away. **

**Sasori looked over at Kakuzu who was walking back into the room. "um, Kakuzu, why'd you take Hidan away?" Kakuzu looked over at him, "Hidan has a few, "Problems" with the show, 'Death Note'" Kakuzu said before walking away. Light walked over to a couch and sat down. Kaori and Sasori immediately sat down beside him. **

**Itachi's eye's were glued to Kaori and Light. 'man, Im so jealous' he thought. Akira looked over at Itachi and smirked, she walked over to him. "Itachi-san, do you like Kaori?" she asked, Itachi blushed a bit. "I can help ya get her away from Light" Akira said. "how are you going to do that?" Itachi asked with a bit of interest. "So, Light-kun, how is it being an actor?" Kaori asked. Light smirked, "it's okay, but you never get to meet that special girl, that you look for all your life" Light said putting a piece of hair behind her ear. **

**Kaori blushed. "Light-Kun! I luv you!" Sasori blurted out. Lights eye's widened. "w-wait, you're gay?" Sasori nodded with a tint of Blush. Lights eye twitched. "um, who the h*ll let a person in this base?" Leader asked. Everyone ignored him. "well, to h*ll with you all then" then he left. **

**Sasuke looked around in the ice cream truck, he soon found the exit, he opened the door and snuck out. 'Kaori-chan, im coming' he thought with a smile. Light yawned, "is there a place I can sleep?" Kaori quickly nodded, "you can use Hidan's room, im sure he wouldn't mind" Kaori said with a smirk.**

**Light nodded and walked into Hidan's room and laid in the bed, he stretched out with a yawn. Hidan sat up in his crib, "w-whats that noise?" he asked, he looked over and saw Light in his bed, he held in a scream. **

'**this is my chance' he thought. He pulled out his sword and hung it over light's head, light opened his eye's and saw Hidan, then he screamed and ran out of the room, Kaori looked and saw Hidan chasing after him, "Hidan, why the h*ll are you chasing light around!" "that muthaf*cker is ruining me! He is sooo scary I need him out! Plus you spend way to much time around him!" **

**Kaori smirked "Jealous, Hidan?" "no! why the h*ll would I be!" Hidan protested. **

**-In another room-**

**Light ran to another room, "Ryuk, the plan is in motion, Kaori will be mine, and Hidan will be no more" "Light, your really interesting. I will enjoy this game you play" Ryuk laughed. **


	23. The Filler Arc!

**Kaori laid in her bed sleep sucking her thumb. When the door slammed open. Kaori jumped and looked over to see Itachi. "what do you want Tachi?" she asked with a yawn. "well, Hidans gone missing, along with Tobi" Itachi replied a bit worried. "hm, you sound worried which is not you, why are you worried about him?" Kaori asked. **

"**well, Hidan owed me 40 bucks and Tobi stole my only pocket picture of yo-, er I mean he stole my football" "ok, first of all, Hidans broke and it's the ninja time, footballs have not been invented you idiot!" Kaori yelled. **

"**Kaori-chaaaaan!" Kaori looked over to see Akira. "what do you want?" she asked. "we have a visitor!" she said happily. Kaori sighed and got up and went to see who that person was. "yo!" the visitor replied. "um, who are you?" Kaori asked. "Tasa Chiha!" the girl replied. "what the h*ll do you want b*tch?" Tobi asked from the kitchen doorway. **

**Everyone's eye's widened at Tobi except for Tasa. "hmm, so you're here, muthaf*cka" she said pulling out a blade. "what the h*ll is going on in here!" Pein yelled. Everyone else shrugged. "Tasa, I will….. Hug thee!" Tobi ran over and hugged the girl. "Tasa hug Tobi!" then they hugged. "what. The. H*ll, un" Deidara asked. "we don't know either, and have you seen Hidan?" Itachi asked. **

"**yeah, un. He's in the empty room next to Tobi's, un" Deidara stated. Itachi nodded and walked off into that room. He opened the door and saw Hidan praying. Itachi waited patiently as he locked the door. When Hidan finished he turned around, "what the f*ck Uchiha!" Hidan yelled. Then Itachi hugged Hidan. "I missed you soo much" he said softly. "missed me? Tsk, it's only been an hour, cant you hold any self control, Uchiha?" Hidan asked. "Hidan-chan, call me by my first name" Itachi said. "hmm, whatever, Weasel" Hidan teased. "Hidan-chan, don't make me punish you" Itachi replied with a smirk. Hidan smirked, "I dare you, Weasel" **

**_Sasori's POV_**

**I walked down the hallway when I heard two familiar voices. 'hmm, I wonder why Itachi and Hidan are in there' I thought. Though it wasn't like me to spy in on conversations I did it anyway. I started listening to there conversations, "I missed you" I heard Itachi say. "missed me, It's only been an hour, Uchiha" I heard Hidan respond. "Hidan-chan, call me by my first name" I heard Itachi then say. "whatever, Weasel" I heard Hidan tease. "don't make me punish you" Itachi responded. "I dare you weasel" I heard Hidan say. I blushed. 'Itachi and Hidan are gay for each other? But how? Maybe I should keep it a secret, I might as well listen longer so I don't start assuming things.**

**_back to Itachi and Hidan_**

"**prepare for your punishment" Itachi said smirking. "you will scream so loud when you witness it" Itachi said. Hidan smirked, "yeah right, I wont scream you baka" Hidan replied.**

**Itachi shrugged. He tied a blind fold around Hidans mouth. And pulled out his phone and put headphones on Hidan, and played Teletubbie episodes. "hmmm! No! stop! It burns! Itachi! Please stop it now!" Hidan screamed though the blindfold covering his mouth. Itachi just chuckled.**

**_Sasori's POV_**

**Sasori had a major nosebleed, 'don't tell me there, no I cant be' , another scream was heard from the room, and I quickly ran away.**

**_Back to Itachi and Hidan_**

**Itachi stopped the video when he saw Hidan drooling like an idiot. "see, I told you I can make you scream for mercy" Itachi said. "you f*cking baka, I f*cking hate you!" Hidan yelled. "yeah right, Hidan-chan" Hidan unlocked the door and ran down the hall. Itachi sighed, and walked down the hall after Hidan.**

**_ back to Tasa and Tobi_**

"**Tobi loves Tasa!" Tobi said happily while he and Tasa ate graham crackers on the carpet. "Tasa, loves Tobi too!" she said smiling. "um, didn't they just try to kill each other a moment ago?" Kaori asked Deidara. "yeah, un. But I guess it was a false alarm, un" Deidara responded. "oh" "Tobi, Tasa! Can Akira have some too?" Akira asked. "die in h*ll b*tch" Tasa said snatching a cracker away from Akira. "w-what!" Akira yelled. Deidara snickered. "Deidara, do you want me to kill your f*g cross-dressing *ss?" Akira asked. **

**Deidara shook his head, "no, im sorry, un" Akira smiled, "that's better" **

**Sasori walked down the hallway and ran into Itachi. And he blushed, "um, Itachi, can I ask you something?" Itachi sighed, "sure" "um, are you gay?" Sasori asked a bit shyly. "what! H*ll no!" Itachi replied. "umm, okay." then Sasori walked off. 'why the h*ll would Sasori think that?' Itachi thought. 'man, he's in deep denial' Sasori thought. Then he walked off to find Hidan.**

**Hidan sat on his bed with only pants on trying to get rid of the drool stains. "d*mn muthaf*cking b*tch *ss weasel making me get my clothes dirty" Hidan cursed. "stop b*tching Hidan" Kakuzu said before walking out. "b*tch" Hidan muttered. "hey. Hidan" Sasori asked walking in, "ya?" He asked. Sasori walked in and sat on the bed watching Hidan. He blushed, "what are you doing?" Hidan looked up and smirked, "im cleaning a d*mn liquid off my clothes that weasel made me make, you got a problem, b*tch?" Hidan asked. Sasori's blush deepened, "are you gay for Itachi?" Sasori blurted out. **

"**eh!" Hidan yelled. "im not anywhere close to gay! Im no d*mn f*g!" Hidan yelled. At that moment Itachi walked in. "why are you yelling?" he asked. "Sasori no Gayo thought I was f*cking gay!" Hidan yelled. "so" Itachi responded. "so? He said you where gay too!" Hidan yelled. "what! I told you I wasn't!" Itachi yelled. "you guys are in denial. I heard Hidans screams of pleasure from that empty room next to Tobi's." Sasori responded. "Gah! He wasn't f*cking me! He was torturing me! With the teletubbies!" Hidan yelled.**

"**oh, then why'd Tachi call you chan?" "because he's my stepbrother" Hidan confessed. "eh!" Sasori yelled.**

**_3 hours of explaining later…._**

"**wow, that's a lot!" Sasori yelled. Tachi smirked "yeah" "well, I know what I need to know byes" Then Sasori skipped out. **

**Hidan looked over at Tachi, "why'd you lie? Seme?" Itachi sighed, "I don't wanna be known as gay" Hidan smirked "you wont, now kiss me" then they kissed. **

**O.O wow, didn't see that coming. And to all Hidan and Itachi Fangirls. This has nothing to do with the story line. I just though it would be a bit cute to the Yaoi Fangirls. So don't curse me out k? cool. ^.^**


	24. The Final stand off still Filler

**Everyone had gone off to bed and Tobi and Tasa where still up. "the time has come" Tobi stated. They both stood on the two opposing walls in the living room. "now, die!" Tasa yelled pulling out her blade and charging out to Tobi. **

**Tobi stood his ground and pulled out a green onion stalk. When he got close he his her on the head. Then giggled. "wak a mole!" Tasa growled, "cut the sh*t Tobi!" "what muthaf*cking sh*t am I tryna pull b*tch I just wanna get that money you owe, hmm what is it now, 34 double D's?" Tobi responded. Tasa blushed. "Tobi, im sorry," she dropped her blade. "I love you" she said. Tobi smirked and removed his mask. "OMG! It's OBITO!" Tasa squealed. "im no longer Obito I am Tobi"**

**I know Tobi isn't Obito but I think he rather cuter than Madara so he's just Obito for the filler ^.^**

**Tasa ran over and hugged him. "I'll pay you the 34 double D's I owe" Tobi smirked. "TOBI'S GETTING LAID TONIGHT!" then him and Tasa ran to the closest room possible, which happened to be Pein's. **

"**What the f*ck!" Pein yelled as he was kicked out. "im your leader so you must obey" Tobi said to Pein. "d*mn I hate when you switch it around on me!" Pein whined, "then where will I sleep?" Pein asked. "on the floor, sl*t I know you like treating you wrong after all I found you in the back to the strip joint, *sshole!" Tobi yelled. **

**Pein happily got on the floor to sleep, "whatever you say pimp" Tobi smiled. "now give me 40 bucks" Pein handed him 35. "what the f*ck is Tobi gonna have to slap a b*tch!" Tobi yelled. "just let it go Tobi-kun, im gonna give you 34 D's to enjoy. That should be over the top in payment" Tasa stated. Tobi nodded "your right, now spit on the b*tch to show we care!" Tobi yelled. Tasa and Tobi spit on Pein. **

"**I feel loved" Pein said smiling. "now sleep b*tch!" Pein nodded and went to sleep.**


	25. Back to the original story

**Light walked into the living room. "hello, Itachi" he said smiling. Itachi sighed, "why did you come here?" Light looked over at him and smiled, "my car broke down" Itachi shook his head, "I checked your car, it's perfectly fine" Light sighed, "he-he, ya got me" Itachi activated his Sharingan, "leave" Light smirked, "why? Im having too much fun, Uchiha, Itachi" Light said as his eye's glowed red" Itachi sighed, "um, your powers are real?" Light nodded. **

**~Meanwhile~**

**Sasuke snuck around the house. He then saw Light's car. "wow, he's here?" Sasuke asked himself. 'I hope he's not after Kaori-chan' "he is" a voice said. Sasuke jumped a bit. "H-Hidan? What do you want?" Sasuke asked. "well, that jackss Light is tryna get to Kaori, and im too scared to get him" Hidan stated. "hm, okay, looks like it's the job for…" **

_**OMG DRAMATC PAUSE!**_

"**SASUKE TO SAVE HER!" Sasuke shouted heroically. "you know you're a total b*tch if you punk out on this right?" Hidan said. Sasuke looked at him, "heh, and you're the one to talk" Hidan growled, "try me, motherf*ka, I'll kick your ss and then hang you up on the wall for the Fangirls to take advantage of you" Hidan said with a toothy smirk holding up duck tape that was conveniently there. Sasuke shuddered. "s-sorry, Hidan" **

**Sasuke walked into the house, "Prepare to die!" Itachi and Light look over at Sasuke. "WTH Sasuke!" Itachi yelled. "d*mn of all people you where in the room with the f*cka" Itachi frowned. "stop cursing, b*tch your only…um, how old?" "17! 17! How the fu- Fudge did you not know!" Itachi sighed, "Sasuke, I stopped keeping track after you ruined my mission to capture Naruto" Sasuke's eyes started to tear up. "and you dare call yourself my brother!" **

**Light rolled his eyes, "hey! Is anyone gonna fight me!" Sasuke and Itachi looked over at them, "oh, yeah. Sasuke, let me kick this jokers *ss right quick!" Itachi yelled. "no! Itachi im gonna kick his *ss! And yes that was a necessary cursing moment, b*tch!" Itachi smirked, "give it your all then, doughebag!" "of course monkey-crap-lips!" "WTH!" Itachi yelled. "man, I'll deal with you later!" Itachi said sitting down on the couch to watch the fight.**

"**okay, lets fight then!" Light yelled. "yeah!" Sasuke yelled back. *Street fighter music starts to play***

_**OHHHH! CLIFF HANGER! Ha! Im soo evil you'll know what happens in time! Or…..will you?**_


	26. The fight rages on!

**Super power of the nose-hair! Dynamic smack!" Nose-hair came out of Sasuke's nose and smacked Light right across the head. "WTF!" Light yelled. Suddenly angered he called out for Ryuk. "Ryuk, apple throw!" Ryuk pulled out tons of apples and threw them at Sasuke, he quickly dodged and smirked, "you don't know my secret weapon do you?" Sasuke asked. "go ahead and tell me!" Light yelled. "L!" Sasuke yelled. L walked over to them, "hello light , I knew you where Kira. But thanks to Sasuke I now have proof" L said sucking on a lollipop. **

**Light shook his head in disbelief. "I-I'll kill you, L!" Light yelled as he called upon the eyes of a Shinigami. "I know your name!" Light yelled with a maniac grin plastered across his face. "your name is-" **

_**SPOILER ALEART! To those who didn't finish the death note series!**_

"**L Lawlet!" Light yelled as he wrote the name down. L immediately fell to the ground. Sasuke quickly ran over. "Sasuke….." L whispered. "yeah?" Sasuke asked. "come closer" Sasuke came closer. "I need….." "you need?" "I NEED MY F*CKING PAYCHECK FOR F*CKING APPEARING ON THIS STUPID *SS COMEDY!" L yelled before dieing. Sasuke cried. "NOOOOOO! I cant pay you! Im f*cking broke!" them L's ghost appeared and smacked Sasuke "I'll f*cking kill you!" L yelled before pulling out a chocolate bar and floating off with it as he passed on.**

"**and that's why I brought back up!" Sasuke yelled calling in the whole police corp. and Near. "surrender, Light. This game is finally over" Near said with an emotionless face. Light laughed once more like a maniac. "I will win! The world will change! I killed my father, I killed L. I can even kill you, Nate Rivers!" Light yelled. As he reached for his death note. Matsuda then shot him. Light fell to the ground. "what are you waiting for, Matsuda. Go ahead and kill me." Tears filled Matsudo's eyes "how could you be so low as to kill your own father? I should kill you now" Matsuda had his hand on the trigger. "go ahead, Matsuda, kill me" Light said smirking. "I-I cant" Matsuda said sadly. "well I can, b*tch!" Kaori yelled shooting Light in the head. Then she looked around. "why the h*ll didn't anybody tell me he was evil!" Kaori yelled. "I tried" Hidan said from behind the couch. "you would have known if you saw the last few episodes of Death note and paid attention to the situation you would have known sooo much sooner" Hidan added. Kaori sighed, "your right I just thought he was some hot actor" **

"**well, that's a wrap everyone, nice wor-" "he's really dead!" Near yelled. Everyone cheered. "now I can go on with my life the director said happily. "wait this was just a show?" Hidan asked a bit irritated. "part of it. The story line is acted out from what really happened to light. He re-acted the manga and he died, finally!" "so, L's dead?" Sasuke asked. The director sadly nodded. "man, this is like True Tv!" Pein yelled. Everyone nodded. "now the devil is killed, lets go everyone!" the Director said before picking up Lights dead body and leaving the hideout.**

"**wow, that was shocking" Everyone nodded. "well, Kaori-chan, lets hang out!" Kaori punched Sasuke. "never!" Sasuke pouted. "Ssssssassuke!" Orochimaru called. "iitsssss time for your baathhh!" Sasuke ran to Orochimaru. "bye, everyone!" Akira busted out laughing. "Itachi I didn't know your brother was gay" "he's not" Itachi said. **

"**okay! Who made this big *ss mess!" Konan yelled. Everyone was quite. Konan groaned. "I'll get the carpet spray"**


	27. the New roommate

**Pein sighed. "it's been a long day" Akira walked into the room. "Who the h*ll told you to sit on the f*cking couch!" she yelled. Pein looked over at her and sweat dropped. Then in an instant he was gone. Akira sighed. "d*mn f*cker. im too tired to find his *ss" Hidan walked into the room with a smile. "Hidan, what are you so happy about?" "well, if you want to know, I just o-" "who said I wanted to know?" Akira asked. Hidan sighed. "please listen" Akira sighed and sat down on the couch, "carry on" "well, I just ordered a new Xbox, Tobi broke the last one" "wait, did you just say an Xbox!" Akira yelled. Hidan, scared nodded. **

"**I had one!" Akira yelled as tears ran down her eyes. "wanna know what happened to it!" Hidan nodded. "it ran away!" Hidan was puzzled. "how'd it do that?" "d*mn it! I told you! He ran away, he sprouted legs then ran away!" Suddenly the front door opened. Akira gasped. "Xboxy!" "look kid, I ran away cause you don't play me anymore, learn to play me and I'll come back" "but your too shiny to play!" Akira yelled. "then bye, and by the way, take this" The Xbox handed Akira a piece of paper. "what's this?" "oh, the bill that the new kid has he needs to pay the electric bill so we can continue to play" Akira growled. "you little muthaf*cka! I'll kill you here and now!" Akira yelled stomping on the Xbox. After she finished she smiled and sat down beside Hidan, "so, what where we talking about?" Hidan screamed and ran away. Akira sat there wide eyed. **

"**ha-ha! I finally did it!" Kaori yelled in triumph. "what did you do?" Itachi asked. "I made a waffle without burning it!" Itachi sighed. "how can you burn a waffle? You just need to use a toaster, you cant burn it like that" "ah, but I didn't use a toaster, here. Taste it!" Kaori said smiling handing the waffle to Itachi. "um, okay" Itachi took a bite and smiled. "this is good, Kaori. How'd you do it?" Kaori smiled. "I used the bag of green seasoning I found under Hidans bed, cooked it. Then used Deidara's clay to start a fire and I roasted it like that" **

**Hidan walked into the room. "um, has anyone seen my bag of weed?" Itachi's eye's widened. "Kaori, you cooked a waffle with weed!" Kaori was confused. "weed? Kisame said it was seasoning" Hidan and Itachi growled. "Kisame" suddenly the affects of weed started to work on Itachi. "Kaori, there's a fluffy bunny in the kitchen!" Itachi yelled then he chased after it. "don't worry, I'll catch it, oh, hey there a net!" Itachi picked up the net and chased after the bunny. **

"**AHHHHHH! Kaori help me! Im not a bunny! And tell Itachi to drop the butcher knife!" Hidan yelled running away. Kaori laughed. "Good luck catching the bunny, Itachi!" Kaori yelled. Sasori then walked into the room, "why's Itachi chasing Hidan with a butcher knife?" "I accidentally gave Itachi weed so now he's hallucinating" Kaori explained. "oh" Sasori said. "well, imma go and chill out in the living room" Kaori nodded. **

**Sasori walked into the room and saw the cops. "ummm" Sasori said. The cops had pined Kakuzu to the ground. "Sasori! Call my lawyer!" Kakuzu yelled. "why are you going to jail?" Sasori asked. "I robbed all the villages banks and I stole illegal weed!" "oh, well good luck in jail and I'll call your lawyer" Sasori said before making the phone call. **

**A while later the doorbell rung. Sasori quickly got up and answered it, "hey, big bro!" Sasori's eyes widened. "Kiri" She hugged Sasori. "Kiri, why are here?" Sasori asked. "I came here to live with ya, and besides I just got kicked outta the sand village for killing my best friend" Kiri said. "okay, I just need to ask leader if you can stay" Sasori said. "LEADER!" Pein walked into the room. "what's up?" he asked. "my sister wants to join" Pein looked over at Kiri. "what skills do you possess?" Pein asked. "got a ketchup bottle?" "yeah" Pein handed her a ketchup bottle. Kiri smiled and broke the glass on Peins head. "I have strength that's my skill" Kiri said. **

"**Itachi! Imma kill you when I get my body back!" Hidan yelled. "got the bunny!" Itachi said smiling holding up Hidans decapitated head. Kiri smiled. "hello" Itachi looked over at Kiri. "sup" Hidan looked up at Itachi. "the weed wore off!" Itachi looked down at Hidan, "it wore off hours ago" Hidan then lead on a cursing fit. Itachi laughed. Then he threw Hidans head onto the couch. "AKATSUKI ASSEMBLE!" the whole Akatsuki gathered except for Zetsu and Kakuzu. "Hello, Everyone im Kiri. Im Sasori's sister" Kiri looked around at the members then gasped when she saw Kaori. She quickly ran over to Kaori. "hi, im Kiri. Who are you?" Kiri asked smiling. "um, im Kaori" "Kaori-chaaaaan! Lets be best friends!" Kiri said with a wide smile. "um, okay" Deidara laughed. "this is sooo familiar" "Shut up, baka!" Kiri yelled smacking Deidara. "now I know where going to be best friends" Kaori said with a smirk.**

"**okay, since Kiri joined where gonna have to vote out one member" Pein said. "now, everyone write a name on a piece of paper. After everyone finished Pein tallied up the votes. "okay, the person to be voted out is…...Gontaku-man!" "Who the h*ll is that!" Kaori yelled. "me" a little white cookie dough boy said. "no! me and Gontaku-man where best friends!" Tobi wailed. "When did he join!" Kaori yelled once more. "before you" Itachi said, "you where just too blind to see him. He was always there he was even in the car when we went to the store. And he shares a room with you and Sasori and Deidara" Itachi explained. "oh" Kaori said. "well, sorry I didn't notice you" Kaori said. "it's okay. Most people don't anyways bye" Then Gontaku-man disappeared. "so, he was a ghost all along" Kiri said. "well I guess that's it for today" Konan said. Everyone nodded.**


	28. Crack chapter with Kiri

**The Next day Kiri walked over to Kaori's room. She opened the door and saw Kaori still sleeping. Kiri smirked and snuck over to the bed and pulled the covers down, then to her shock someone was already in the bed with Kaori. "hmm? Who are you?" the guy asked. "Kiri" Kiri replied, "im Sasuke" the guy said. "why the h*ll are you in Kaori's bed!" "Shhhh!, I always sleep here, until she wakes up anyway" Kiri growled, and picked up Sasuke and Threw him out the window. "and don't ever come back!" she yelled. **

**Kaori groaned and sat up, "oh, good morning Kiri" "morning Kaori-chan" Kiri said smiling. "I made you breakfast" She said smiling. "thanks" Kaori said she got up and walked into the Kitchen with Kiri. "Sooo, Kaori-chan, wanna go out somewhere today?" Kiri asked with a smile. Kaori smiled, "sure, I'll go get Itachi. He'd love to come to" Kaori ran off. "d*mn" Kiri said.**

"**Ok, Ok, Ok, so what your saying, Akira is that she's on a pop-star if she wears the wig?" Akira nodded "Exactly that's how she becomes Konohamontana!" Hidan sighed, "I don't really like her, she's just a stupid prick that cant even sing" "are you guys really having that conversation, un?" Deidara asked from the doorway. Hidan looked over at Deidara, "if you mention this to anybody you will be a girl for real!" Hidan yelled. Deidara sweat dropped. "s-sorry, u-un" Akira laughed, "Dei-chan, your lucky that this week is Armic week, so I cant kill anyone or fight, so I have to find an alternative" "Armic week, un?" Deidara asked.**

"**it's kinda like Hidans Jashin week, except the opposite, both me and Kaori cant kill or fight anything all week due to our villages religion" "why didn't you quit it b*tch-f*ck?" Hidan asked. "cause when we were born the priest of out church drew blood from the babies so if I kill or anything like that all week then I will be burned and die early in my life" Akira said. **

"**d*mn that's soo f*cked up!" Hidan said. Deidara nodded, "I suppose so, but I don't have a religion, un" Akira and Hidan looked over to Deidara. "you f*cking Atheist prick!" Hidan yelled. "well im sorry, my mom made our god, Jumo sound fake so I didn't believe her, un!" Deidara yelled as tears streamed down his face. "did your mother make you take ballet?" Akira asked. "h-how'd you know, un?" Deidara asked wiping his tears away. "cause you act just like a f*cking p*ssy!" Hidan finished for Akira. Akira smiled and high fived Hidan, "And BURN!" Deidara shook as if he was cold then a stream of more tears came out and he ran out of the room.**

"**Tachi, wanna go with me and Kiri somewhere?" Kaori asked. "where are you guys going?" Itachi asked. "I dunno, but I bet it's somewhere fun!" Kaori said smiling. Itachi blushed a deep red, 'K-Kaori's smile is s-so cute' Itachi thought. "eh? Tachi, your face is a tomato! No, no, it looks like blood red!" "blood?" Zetsu asked. "no, Zetsu it's nothing. And why do you make so little appearances in this show? I mean it'd be nice to see you more!" the white side of Zetsu started crying, "well, life is hard for a single two-faced plant freak father, I mean my son is in the false direction of life and now look at him, he's gay, he's gay! I mean Im going through so much, and none of you care!" Kaori frowned, how'd you have a kid then leak-man. (Leak: Japanese onion, like the ones Miku Hatsune uses) I mean you said you're a single father to a gay son, but I hear nothing about the mother" Kaori said. "oh," the black side started, "that's because we ate her and every now In then you can here her say something and when she does she adds gayness to our child!" **

"**where is your child?" Kaori asked. "oh, my part-son, he's … why the h*ll should I tell you! I mean all these people are finding out to much in this one episode and you want me to reveal something that could be revealed in 5 more episodes, Gawd! You are too asking but I will tell you his name has an A in it, or is it and E? I forget cause I always call him 'gay son' anyways see ya" with that they where gone.**

"**stupid plants and there stupid plant mating stuff cant even get pregnant and have kids, eat water and wave in the wind for fun, cant drink have to have it mixed with water or they puck everywhere, wake up with a seed filled gun in your face every morning making Sasuke kiss Naruto for no reason, gay *ss plants" Kaori mumbled.**

"**hm, okay lets go, Kaori-chaan!" Kiri said smiling. "im coming too" Itachi said standing over Kiri. "who said you could come, Uchiha?" "Kaori did," Kiri growled, "whatever, just don't mess with Kaori, she's mine" Kiri said before walking out to the car. Kaori quickly ran down to the car and quickly jumped in, "hit it!" Itachi looked over at the frightened Kaori, "what happened!" he yelled. Suddenly the front door slammed open revealing a p*ssed off Zetsu. "apparently plants take just about everything as an insult! Now hit it Itachi!" Kaori yelled. **

**Itachi quickly hit the gas sending them zooming down the road. **


	29. The trip for three

"**Hey, Sasori, un" Deidara asked. "what DeiDei-chan?" Sasori asked. "Where are Kaori, Itachi, and Kiri?, un" Deidara asked. "hmm, now that you mention it I haven't seen them this morning" "hm? Kiri took Kaori and Itachi out somewhere" Akira said sucking on a popsicle. "oh, so that's where Kaori went" an irritated Hidan said standing near them.**

"**What's wrong Hidan?" Akira asked. "she broke my f*cking scythe!" Hidan yelled. "so why don't you go and get another?, un" Deidara asked while yawning. "If I f*cking could, I f*cking would! Anyway! I need Kaori to go with me to meet Jashin-Sama. So I can get a new one!" Hidan yelled in a more p*ssed tone.**

**Akira smiled, "Hidan don't you dare hurt Kaori or you will wish you where born in h*ll" Hidans eyes widened "o-ok" "now Hidan do you wanna play patty-cake?" Akira asked. "ooooooh! Yes!" Hidan said running over to play with Akira.**

"**Hey, Kiri where are we going?" Kaori asked. "hmm, amusement park!" Kiri yelled. "Yay!" Kaori yelled. Itachi sighed. "Kaori, if you go you cant do anything destructive, remember what week it is…" Kaori sighed, "I remember" **

**The three arrived at the amusement park. "Kaori, lets go to the "ALL GIRLS CLUB" " Kiri said glancing over at Itachi. Itachi frowned. "okay" Kaori said running away with Kiri. Itachi sighed. "d*mn you Kiri"**

**Kiri and Kaori walked together down to the club room. "Kaori, might I ask you something?" Kaori smiled "Sure" "I really like you, will you date me?" Kaori stopped walking and fell on the floor and busted out laughing. "your just like your brother, Sasori. Im sorry but I don't feel the same way about you. There's someone else that I like" Kaori said turning and running back towards the lonely Itachi. **

"**I wont give up, Itachi. No matter what may happen to me.." Kiri said before walking off.**

"**Where did Kiri go?" Itachi asked. "well, Tachi she walked off I want to spend this time with you. Because recently so much has been happening we haven't really hung out. Where do you wanna go?" Kaori asked. Itachi blushed. "umm why don't we and the whole Akatsuki go on a trip to the hot spring resort. Tomorrow?" Kaori smiled. "okay. Lets go home and tell them!" **

"**YOU WANNA GO WHERE!" Kakuzu yelled. "hot spring" Kaori said. "no" Kakuzu stated. "why?" Kaori asked. "money" Kakuzu replied. "Aww but I bought this new kimono" Kaori said ripping off her clothes. Kakuzu's face turned the brightest red possible. Sasuke jumped from the ceiling taking pictures. Kaori giggled. "isn't fan-service a wonderful thing?" Kakuzu coughed, "I guess we can make this trip an exception"**

**Hidan laughed. "the old fart likes Kaori" "Shut up Hidan" Kakuzu said staggering off to his room. **


	30. Hot spring trip pt 1

"**WAKE UP!" Kaori screamed to the top of her lungs.. An angry Hidan walked into the room. "wtf Kaori, why are you screaming at like 4 am?" Kaori smirked, "its time for the trip, why are you wearing a bear themed onesie, and holding a Akira doll?" Hidans face shot red, "w-w-well why aren't you with your booyfriend Itachi?" Kaori giggled, "1. He's not my boyfriend and 2. He's packing my clothes" "d*mn manizer" Hidan replied. Kaori laughed and walked away. **

**-else where- **

"**sooo, Sasuke, who's paying for this trip?" Orochimaru asked. **

"**Itachi, duh" Sasuke said pulling out Itachi's wallet. "hm, where are we goin?" Kabuto asked. "hot spring" Sasuke replied with a crazy grin. "exxxxcellent" Orochimaru replied.**

**-Akatsuki hideout-**

**Kisame walked into the room. "yo, Kisame. Lets be friends on this trip, I know I hurt you in the past but now's the time to make-up" Kaori said smiling. Kisame stood in disbelief, "LIER!" he yelled jumping into the broken elevator. "we don't have an elevator" Kaori said as she walked away. **

"**ok, un. I cant wait to relax on this trip!" Deidara said smiling. "yeah, I cant wait either" Sasori said with a perverted grin as he packed a bunch of cameras. **

**Later that day, Pein packed up all the bags. Then came the hard conclusion. Who's driving… **

**DUN DUN DUUUUUN!**

"**I think I should drive" Kaori said in a mature matter. "oh H*LL! No!" Hidan yelled. "why not?" "because you, you, you, lied about the gingerbread man in the first episode!" Hidan cried as he ran into the broken elevator. "the f*ck is with people running into fake broken elevators!" Kaori yelled. "ill drive" Itachi said. "hmm have you ever driven?" Pein asked. "no, but I have observed it and studied it with my Sharingan" Itachi stated proudly. "cool, then you can drive, now onto car 2" Pein stated with a smirk, "I nominate myself!" everyone looked at Pein, "oh H*LL NO!" they yelled. "f*ck you guys then" Pein said sticking out his tongue. "well, I guess ill drive" Kakuzu stated. "well, im not riding in the cheap *ss old farts car, that's for f*cking sure" Hidan said limping back with crutches. **

"**ok, then now we can go, please" Konan said. "holy f*ck I forgot there was another girl in Akatsuki!" Hidan yelled. "well, the authors an *ss and only lets me say a few words in every other chapter.." Konan said before walking off into the woods. "noo! don't go, sudden hotty!" Hidan yelled. "I think you should come to, all I gotta do is sweet talk the f*cking author then we can all go together!" Hidan said. "fine" Konan said, "and am I really hot?" Hidan laughed, "f*ck no! you look like a f*cking gothic lesbian with you blue *ss hair and f*cking lip piercing, go f*ck Pein, because yo *ss is f*cking ugly!" Hidan said. **

_**Sorry hidanXkonan fan girls. No Hidan and Konan lovin in my story. LOL -Author**_

**Konan frowned and went over to hug Pein. "don't worry, Konan. Everything's gonna be alright. Come and help me pack up a few of my rubber ducky's" Konan sighed, "fine" **

"**KAORI!" Kaori turned around. "hey, Akira. What's up?" "well, I need to use the elevator, its kinda broken" "how the H*ll is there an elevator in this house! I never saw it and Hidan and Kisame keep jumping down it.. D*mn this fake *ss elevator!" Kaori yelled. **

"**hey, everyone ready to go?" Itachi asked. "umm hold up. Has anyone seen Tobi?" **

**-elsewhere-**

**Tobi was sittin on the couch. Eating a bag of potaterchips. "what? I don't like hot springs. They mess up Tobi's awesome cuteness and mask." **

**-back to the people- **

"**oh, what about Zetsu?" Kaori asked. Itachi smirked. "he got banned from the hot spring for 40 years. Because he ate a family, ate all the food, dry humped the employees, and pooped in the hot spring" Kaori laughed, "I didn't know that plant could poop!" "h*ll yeah he can, its like the size of a f*ckin ostrich egg" Hidan said butting in. "that's why we trained him to poop outside" Kakuzu said a bit disgusted. "oh! That explains the really green grass" Kaori said, everyone nodded. "so, are we ready now?" Akira asked. Everyone nodded. "good. Now I would like to have, Kaori, Hidan, me, Deidara, and Pein in Itachi's car. And everyone else in Kakuzu's car." Akira stated. "yes!" Itachi said jumping into the air. Everyone stared at Itachi. "get a f*ckin life you f*ckin staring people!" Itachi yelled getting into the car.**

**Everyone shrugged and got into there directed cars.**


	31. Hot spring trip pt 2

"**are we there yet?" Kaori asked. "we just got in the f*ckin car!" Hidan yelled. "do we get candy?" Akira asked. "no, un" Akira sighed, "I want candy" "too f*ckin bad" "I WANT CANDY!" Akira screamed. "give her the f*cking candy!" Pein yelled. "fine, un. Your lucky I just got into candy experimentation. I got this candy from some factory in the rock village, un" Deidara said handing Akira the candy. "Yay candy!" She squealed then ate it. "mhm, this is good!" "im glad, un" Deidara said. Kaori sat quietly. "what's the f*cking matter b*tch?" Hidan asked. Kaori's head drifted down, "what's the f*cking matter!" Hidan yelled. "YOU GUYS DIDN'T GIVE ME ANY CANDY EITHER!" Kaori screamed. Pein sighed, "damn it, Deidara give her a piece of candy!" "and make it sour!" Kaori added. **

**Deidara sighed, and handed her a piece of candy. "YES!" she yelled before eating the candy. "its sooo good!" Deidara nodded. "so, when the h*ll should we be arriving, Uchiha-f*g" Hidan asked. "first im not a f*cking f*g, second whenever the h*ll we be there" Itachi said. "OOOH! TACHI JUST GANSTERED YOUR *SS!" Kaori yelled. Akira laughed, then groaned. "I don't feel so good" Hidan looked over at her, "don't you f*cking hurl on me or I will kill your little b*tch f*cking *ss!" Akira pouted. "im sleepy" she said before leaning over on Deidara and falling asleep. "aww isn't that cute!" Kaori said. "it's just f*cking twisted, didn't Akira want to kill his *ss?" Hidan asked. "I guess so" Kaori said yawing. "im kind of..sleepy" Kaori spoke as she fell asleep on Hidan.**

**Itachi looked at the mirror, to see the back seat, and see's Kaori leaning on Hidans lap asleep. "Hidan what the h*ll are you doing!" Itachi yelled. "it seems like Kaori fell asleep on him, just like Akira did to me, un" Deidara said. "yes! Exactly!" Hidan said. Itachi sighed, "were almost at the place, meaning. Someone's going to have to carry Kaori and Akira." "I'll carry Akira, un" Deidara said, "then I guess I'll carry the b*tch Kaori" Hidan said. "and then Itachi will carry the bags, Yay everyone wins that way!" Pein said, "oh h***LLL NO!" Itachi said rolling his head. "Pein your carrying half the bags!" Itachi yelled, "fine " Pein said growling. **

"**were here" Itachi said as he parked the car. "final f*cking lee!" Hidan said stretching a bit. Everyone got out of the car. "Kakuzu should have reserved the rooms, so just ask the lady in the front to direct you to your rooms" Pein told Hidan and Deidara. "ok, un" Deidara said. As he and Hidan carried Kaori and Akira inside of the hot spring/hotel place. **

"**hello, how might I help you?" a girl with long orange hair asked. "well, we reserved some rooms. It should be filed under the name 'Akatsuki', un" Deidara said. "oh, yes. It's room's 223 to 226. Oh and my names Orihime Inoue. If you have any problems, just call okay?" Hidan and Deidara nodded. "okay, well I'll have Chad help you with your bags" Orihime said. "ok, un" Chad walked out and picked up the bags from Itachi and Pein. "thanks, big guy" Pein said. "now, I'll have Kurosaki-kun and Chad show you to your room" "hey, im Ichigo Kurosaki. And I'll b showing you to your rooms. I will also provide Kimono's later on" Ichigo said. "now right this way," Ichigo lead the group to there rooms. **

"**thank you so much, Ichigo" Itachi said. "here" Pein said handing him a 5$ tip. "thanks Mr. leader sir" Ichigo said as he walked away. "put Akira and Kaori in there beds. I'll call and see when Sasori's group is going to make it here" Pein instructed. Hidan and Deidara did as they were told. "you know that Orihime b*tch had some huge boobs" Hidan said smirking. "yeah, she was hot. Im going back down to the lobby, un" Deidara said. "h*ll no! your gonna take her!" Hidan yelled. "fine, un lets do this a fair way, were both going to take the stairs on the east and west sides, whoever makes it to the lobby can have her, un" Deidara said. "sounds fair" Hidan replied. **

**The two boys went out in the hallway. "alright, ready, set, go!, un" Deidara yelled. They quickly ran down the stairs. But in the end Deidara made it there first. "yes, un! im first, un!" Deidara yelled. "yes?" a girl-like voice asked. "would you like to go out, un?" Deidara asked gasping for air with his eyes shut. "oh, umm this is so sudden, what should I tell Ikkaku?" 'huh?' Deidara thought. He looked up. "um who are you, un?" "im yumichika! Im currently on duty, and I'll have to think about your sudden confession" Yumichika said smiling. "HA!" Hidan said laughing, "im really lucky!" **

"**Deidara!" Deidara turned and saw a very mad Sasori, he was both mad and sad. Tears rolled down his face. "h-how could you!" He then ran up the stairs and somehow found his room. " "dude, you really f*cked this up" Kisame said. **

**Sasori sat on a bed in his room. He started crying more. "um, are you alright?" Sasori looked up and saw a cute boy with short silver hair. "y-yeah, I am now" Sasori said blushing. "might I ask your name?" Sasori asked. "you should know it Sasori, Im Akira, im Kaori's sister, remember?" Sasori looked confused. "your not a girl you're a hot boy" Sasori said blushing even more. "The H*LL!" Akira yelled out as she looked at herself in the mirror. "well, since I am this way. And since you do like guys, and I just happen to be one. Lets go out!" Akira said.**


	32. Hot spring trip pt 3

**Deidara ran after Sasori "where'd he go, un?" after constantly searching he found Sasori's room. "S-Sasori, un!" Deidara yelled opening the door. Then his eyes widened in surprise. Sasori was kissing the silver haired boy. "ah! Im sorry, un" the traumatized Deidara said. Sasori looked over and smiled, hey Dei-chan. This is my boyfriend" Deidara's heart beat fast "boyfriend?" Sasori nodded. The silver haired boy looked over and smirked, "hello I am Akito. Who are you? Are you a good friend of Sasori-kun?" Deidara tried to calm down his shocked face, "um, yes I am Sasori's friend im Deidara" 'hehehe DeiDei doesn't know that Akito is actually, me Akira. I've gotta keep up the act' Akira thought. "well I guess I'll go then, un" he said as he walked out of the room, then ran down the hallway. 'w-why does my chest hurt so much?' he asked himself as he ran faster.**

**Hidan yawned and walked into his room, "maybe I should go soak in the hot spring before I go to bed" then he reached for his towel and some shorts. He made his way down to the single hot spring area. He removed his clothing and wrapped a towel around his waist and got into the water. "ahh its so warm and relaxing he said leaning back. Until he felt something touch his chest. "eh?" he looked over and saw Kaori "w-what the F*cking h*ll!" he yelled blushing and jumping over to the other side. "hi Hidan-kun!" Hidan was confused, "Hidan-kun? He asked. Kaori nodded as she scooted over to him. "you know" she began "Everyone else is busy, so were going to be in here alone" then she smiled. "w-what the h*ll are you planning you sick b*tch?" Hidan yelled. "planning? Im not planning anything wrong" she smiled before jumping onto Hidan and licked and kissed his chest. "k-Kaori! Get off!" he struggled. Through his struggling he knocked Kaori's towel off. She blushed, "oh. I see that's how you want to play?" she smirked and pulled Hidans towel away to the other side of the room. Hidan blushed like crazy. "Kaori! W-what the f*ck!" Kaori leaned down to kiss Hidan on the cheek when Itachi opened the door along with Pein.**

**Hidan looked back and saw there shocked expressions. "ah, I see so this is how it was the whole time, huh Hidan" Pein said smirking. Hidan glared, "h*ll no! she just threw herself at me!" **

**Itachi stared at Kaori's fair skin and passed out from blood loss, while he was slowly passing out he yelled out to Hidan, "H-Hidan im going to kill you!….."**

**Pein stared for a few more minutes. "hmm mind if I join?" Kaori looked over at Pein. "no, you will not interfere with my love towards Hidan-kun" "L-LOVE!" Hidan yelled.**

**Deidara ran down the hall more until he bumped into Kisame. "hey, Deidara you ever find Sasori?" Deidara looked up at Kisame, his eyes where full of tears. "S-Sasori, he-he was making out with this silver haired guy, un!" Kisame sighed. "so you had feelings for Sasori?" Deidara looked at Kisame in Disgust, "no.. why would I, un?" Kisame pat Deidara on the shoulder, "you have a sad case of denial dude" "hey Deidara-kun!" Deidara turned around and saw Akito. "oh.. Hey Akito, un" "oh, so this is that silver haired guy?" Kisame asked. Deidara nodded. "nice to meet you, im Akito, Sasori-kun's boyfriend"**


	33. Hot spring trip pt 4

"**I cant find her!" Sasuke screamed out into the hallways. "your looking for Kaori?" "yeah" he turned and saw Kabuto. "eh, Kabuto why are you in the hallway aren't you supposed to be watching Orochimaru?" Kabuto sighed, "he ran away half an hour ago naked screaming, 'you cant touch this!'" Sasuke laughed, "so he was in the bath?" Kabuto nodded, "im guessing you haven't seen him?" Sasuke shook his head. "well tell me if you see him" Kabuto said as he walked away.**

**Sasuke continued walking down the halls until he heard a scream and a splash, "hmm it came from the hot springs?" Sasuke quickly ran towards the screaming and opened the door. Then he started blushing like crazy. It was Kaori in the bath with a passed out Hidan, he passed out from blood loss. "Sasuke! Help I think he's dead!" Kaori screamed. "uh, how do you want me to… help?" Sasuke asked slowly walking closer never moving his eyes from Kaori. "get him out of the water!" Sasuke grabbed Hidans arms and started to pull. "how did he end up like this?" Kaori blushed slightly, "well we were kissing and I guess I got too close and blood came from his nose" 'making out!' Sasuke thought. Sasuke sadly sighed and dropped the semi-lifeless Hidan and left. 'so, she's dating that idiot?' he thought.**

**Kaori pouted and helped Hidan out of the bath and re-dressed him. Then herself and left the room. And saw Deidara at the end of the hallway, "hey Deidara!" Deidara turned "oh, hey Kaori." "who's he?" "hey, im Akito" Akito said smiling. "and he's Sasori's boyfriend" Kisame added. "hmm good for Sasori. Oh have any of you seen Akira?" Deidara and Kisame shook there heads. "hmm ok then.. Well im gonna go look for her" Kaori said leaving. As Kaori walked she came into contact with the nude Orochimaru. "ah! Wtf! Orochimaru why the h*ll are you naked!" "avoiding a bath" Orochimaru stated dancing. "god! Well if your going to dance at least put a towel on first!" Orochimaru pouted "whatever.. Umm Kaori, you seem different" "different?" Kaori asked. Just then Kabuto appeared. "Kabuto. Examine Kaori" Orochimaru stated starting to get serious. "will du sir" Kabuto said smirking as he pulled out a pair of rubber gloves. "Kabuto! Wth are you doing! I said examine her!" Kabuto looked over. "but I am sir" Orochimaru sighed. "use the breathalyzer" "oh" Kabuto stated pulling out the breathalyzer and making Kaori blow on it.**

**Orochimaru looked at the results. "hmm, just as I thought" Kaori looked over, "what?" **


End file.
